Lost and Found

REWARD-LOST BOYFRIEND
My boyfriend, Maddog, went missing and I need him back because I just found out that I'm pregnant by him. He needs to pay child support once his baby's born. If anyone finds Maddog Monson, please return him to Crystal at Buzzards Trailertopia.

MISSING PERSON
Male, 25-35 years old, 5'10" to 6'1", brown hair, brown eyes, 175-200 pounds.  Answers to Mad Dog. He was this one-nighter I picked up at the bar at Buzzards. I just found out I'm knocked up. That Mad Dog's definitely the father because he's the only one-nighter I remember having last month. If found, please return to Griselda at Buzzards Trailertopia.

GET BACK HERE MADDOG YOU WEASEL
Nobody impregnates Doralee and then runs off and acts like nothing happened. We been on-again-off-agains for three years now. You'd think that would count for something. But noooooo. Soon as you find out there's a bun in the oven, you can't stand the heat so you run out of the kitchen. Well, I know you well enough to know you're probably holed up over there at Tinbox Acres. This is just to let you know I'm coming after you. Get your ass out of hiding so you can go to Lamaze classes with me.

For Sale

SCORCHED TRAILER AND EVERYTHING IN IT
Everything must go! Anything and everything is up for grabs!  Must sell all this stuff so I can afford to put another trailer in space #73. That way I'll have a roof over my head when I get out. Make all offers to Anil Roberts in the County Nuthatch.

FIREWOOD
Piles and piles of lumber that didn't quite turn out right 'cause my Skilsaw blade's a little dull and it won't cut straight. All them little uneven pieces of plywood and 2X4s would make totally kickass firewood for anyone who gots a fireplace in their trailer. Also could be used as bonfire fuel. See Rudy in space #19 to make offer.

Real Estate

FIXER UPPER
3 BR, 1-1/2 BA manufactured home. Needs some work on the roof and the siding. Also the radiator is a major fire hazard. When the toilet is flushed, the sprinklers go on outside and they stay on until 7:00 pm no matter what, because that's what time the timer's stuck at. If you're a Mr. Fix-It, or if you've got a grown-up son threatening to move back in with you, buy it and make him live there and fix the place up! All REASONABLE offers considered. Don't be ringing my phone off the hook offering me five bucks for the place. If you've got at least, say, $800 in your fist, call JR Johnson Realty 1-800-JOHNSON.

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