Lost and Found

LOST WALLET
Wore-out black leather bi-fold with a long dogchain hanging from it and "Rabid Maddog" stamped on the front.  Contained three one-dollar bills, a half-straw, a ittybitty baggie of a yellowish white crystalline substance, a bunch of chicks' phone numbers, a size XXL condom, a couple of postage stamps, and a Parole card. If found, please return to Maddog Monson in space #91. No questions asked unless any of my shit is missing.

FOUND HUGE PAIR OF SKIDMARKED SKIVVIES
Gigantor pair of Froot of the Loop skivvies, grayish-white in color with blue stitching, found right outside the laundry room. After careful inspection, it was determined the mammoth skivvies were dropped on the way TO the laundry room and not FROM it, since they were all stretched out and skidmarked up.  Drop by space #31 to identify and claim.

For Sale

ANCIENT APE FOSSIL, POSSIBLY OF THE GENUS EGYPTOPITHECUS
Excellent fossilized impression of a giant prehistoric ape, a whole ape, not just ape bones. Particularly good detail in the face area, with flat nose and hunky eyebrow ridges highly visible to the naked eye. The belly print alone could probably hold 20 gallons of water! Own a piece of history! Asking price is a gazillion dollars, but all offers will be considered. Make offer to Chuck Bodell, the owner of the field next door.

Real Estate

FREEBIE - ONE-AXLE, TWO-WHEELER CAMPER
Fixer-upper. Needs a real good scrubbin' with bleach and whatnot. Used to be owned by a obese alkie who didn't bathe often, and when he did, anything he couldn't reach didn't get washed. Plus, he never once took out the trash, so there's a couple hundred pounds of garbage and booze bottles and beer cans decaying in the camper and spilling out into the yard right now. But if you'll haul it away -- FAR away -- from Tinbox Acres, you can have that camper for FREE. Just get the damn thing out of here so's we don't have to smell it no more. Bobby Roy's dead, but he still haunts us every time the wind picks up and blows that camper stench around the trailer park.  

Obituary

ROBERT ROY (BOBBY ROY) RODGERS, 1951-2003
Bobby Roy didn't live hard and die young like he always hoped, but he did live drunk and die middle-aged, which is close enough for government work, in the entire trailer park's opinion. Bobby Roy went out with a bang when he burst into flames and burnt himself to the ground on March 16, 2003. He missed the Saint Patrick's Day festivities by only a day, and that's a pity 'cause Bobby Roy always loved drinking holidays. Hell, he just loved drinking, PERIOD. We'll certainly miss that fat, stinking, cantankerous old boozehound.

HOME