Lost and Found

LOST CATAPULT
The Dumpster's full, and it seems the catapult went missing. How are we supposed to get rid of our trash when the Dumpster is full if we can't launch it off the property? That catapult didn't up and walk away by its ownself. If found, please return it to the dirt by the duckpond, then stop by space #1 and let Carl Bailey the psych facility escapee know it's back. There's too much trash piling up in the yard and I got no way to get rid of it.

FOUND
Big metal thingamajiggie, possibly medieval torture device or maybe merry-go-round that got hit by lightning. Found in dirt lot next to Boozapalooza. Stop by the market up the road to identify and claim.

For Sale

EXPERT COUNTERFEIT VEHICLE REGISTRATION TAGS
Don't let your old beater get hauled off during the monthly haulaway of unregistered vehicles!   Counterfeit tags, look just like the real thing!  Forged with the best stencils and magic markers.   Cheaper than legal tags at only $10 a pop!  See Beulah Radkin in space #47.  When Beulah's passed out, her kid Timmy will sell them tags to you.

YOU WANT IT, I GOT IT, COME 'N' GET IT
LSD, Peyote, Crank, Mescaline, Uppers, Downers, dope that'll make you go completely sideways.   Cash and carry only.  No delivery, no fronting, and I don't care how much money you offer me, I ain't gonna keester none of it nowheres.  If you're jonesing and you gots some cash on you, stop by DJ's place in space #41 and let's do some business.

DRESSES, PUMPS, LINGERIE
Slinky dresses that will stretch to fit any man!  Pumps in sizes 10 and up!  Huge, flat bras!  If you're planning on competing in the Annual Fourth of July Drag Race, these items are a must!  Also, pantyhose that won't crush your nuts, but your leghairs will stick out if you don't shave 'em off first.  Fatty Daddy's been thrift-store-hopping and garage-saling ever since last year's Drag Race, so drop by space #88 to take a gander at the merchandise and haggle with Fatty Daddy over it.

Real Estate and Real Estate By-products

TWO-STORY QUINTUPLE-WIDE
I don't know what I was thinking when I let Rudy and BT tweek my trailer together.  It was okay when they blowtorched all them single-wides into a quintuple-wide.  But I must have been beat upside the head with the stupid stick when I let 'em put that second story on.  Lulu's pregnant.   That steep little spiral staircase them two speedfreaks jury-rigged between the two floors is a wearin' her out and makin' her bitch at me all the time.  All offers considered, or will trade for a one-story ANYTHING.  Inquire with Andy the security guy in space #68.

TRAILER DISMANTLING AND RELOCATION
We got us a great big trailer-moving rig, and we think we got the hang of driving it now!  We ain't jackknifed the rig and laid a trailer sideways across the highway in six whole days!  If you gots a trailer you need moved, just pick up your phone or use a neighbor's and Call Trailertown NOW at 555-1313.

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