Lost and Found

LOST
My dignity. Actually, it wasn't being arrested for indecent exposure that was so bad, and it wasn't spending two hours in a holding cell with huge, hairy, scary, illiterate tattooed sasquatches, some of whom decided to play "keep away" with me. And it wasn't that they kept anything of mine away from me, quite the contrary. They were using ME as the keep-away, holding me high over their heads and keeping me away from each other. That's pretty damn rude, but the worst part of the whole fiasco was being turned loose because nothing on me is big enough to get me arrested if exposed. If anyone finds a cure-all for a shattered ego, please advise Jingo in space #99.

FOUND
Ratty-looking miniature clothing, might be child's outfit or doll clothes. Found in a heap right next to the catapult in the dirt lot next to Boozapalooza. Too worn out and ugly to have come from anywhere but Tinbox Acres. Please stop by space #1 to identify and claim.

REWARD
For information leading to arrest and conviction of asshole who throw trash all over receiving dock of Boozapalooza. Identify litterbug to Hung Phuc, owner of market, and receive whole carton of cigarettes as reward. Receive fifth of generic liquor of choice after cops haul litterbug away.

For Sale

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DOLLAR DAYS-ITEMS YOU CAN'T LIVE WITHOUT-CHEAP!
Blatant loss-leader sale to lure trailer park residents
to new local liquor store.

Stop by Rogelio's Quick-E-Mart to take advantage of these GREAT prices! For a limited time only, with the limit being however long it takes you all to get used to shopping at Rogelio's.

Directions: When stumbling out of the driveway and onto the highway,
careen to the right. Stagger about 500 yards, look both ways and weave
across the street. Look for the blue sign out front.

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Real Estate and Real Estate By-products

RATTY OLD CAMPER--$400 OBO/Trade
Formerly occupied by a fat stinking drunk. Currently occupied by a religious zealot.  Drop by space #73 and make an offer to Anil Roberts. All offers/trades considered.

54-FOOT SINGLEWIDE MOBILE, ALL AMENITIES, NEEDS REPAIRS
Got hit a few times in our war with Buzzards, so it needs some TLC to make it habitable. Hey, the toilet flushes, be glad of that. Call JR Johnson Realty, 1-800-JOHNSON today to view the trailer and make an offer.

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