Lost and Found

LOST RESIDENT
White male adult, 5'10", 175 pounds, long dark brown hair, beard, hazel eyes, smells like cheap booze. Answers to name of "Carl." Went missing last month right after a scooter chase. If found, call the number on the sign at the entrance to the trailer park and notify Management so we may collect his space rent for October.

FOUND JESUS
Now, He was all dirty and covered in foxtails and burrs and He stunk to high Heaven, but with that beard and long hair, it couldn't have been no one else. Our Lord and Saviour was found passed out in the weeds near the duckpond. Jesus Christ Almighty is currently recovering on the sofa-bed in the living room, but after He gathers His wits about Him, then He will certainly dish out miracles left and right. Stop by Anil Roberts' camper in space #73 to gaze at the Holy Wonder snoring away on the couch.

For Sale

SKILSAW - CHEAP!
Allergy forces sale. Every time I fire up that Skilsaw, my ass suddenly breaks out in a lumpy red rash. All offers considered or will trade for meth. Make offer to Rudy in space #19.

A REAL CREATURE FROM THE BLACK LAGOON
Ready to stuff and mount and display. Found beached on the shore of the duckpond by some religious zealot who thinks it's Jesus. The creature stinks, but once you take it to the taxidermist, it won't stink no more anyways. $200 OBO. Inquire with BT in space #21, but be sure to give enough notice for me to spirit the creature off of Anil's couch and out of his trailer.

PICKLED CHERRIES, CANDIED MEAT, CREEPY ETHNIC FOOD
YOU CAN'T FIGURE OUT WHAT'S IN IT
- - - CHEAPIE - CHEAPIE - CHEAPIE - CHEAPIE - CHEAPIE - - -
Plenty of food you can't find anywhere else!  
Take extra 20% off already low price on any item past expiration date!
Also, plenty of booze to wash food down with.  
And cigarettes. Can't forget the cigarettes.  
IT'S SHOP-TIL-YOU-DROP MONTH AT BOOZAPALOOZA!

Real Estate and Real Estate By-products

TRAILER BLOWOUT SALE
Big trailers, little trailers, everything from cabover campers to triple-wides. Enormous selection, great prices!  Also, trailer parts and trailer accessories, including statue-fountains that only someone in a trailer would display outside. Snap-together gazebos, trellises, chainlink fencing, Tiki torches, and other structures and decor that trailer parks are famous for!
Call Trailertown NOW at 555-1313.

WHOLE TRAILER PARK
Priced Lower than Whaleshit for Immediate Sale!
Property owner being investigated by law enforcement agencies. Entire trailer park probably will be seized by Feds anyway. Must sell NOW, sooner if possible. Contact Speedy in the manager's office at Buzzards for details. You all know Speedy. He's the guy you all buy your go-fast from when DJ the dope dealer's locked up.

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