Lost and Found

LOST SATELLITE PIECES
Dropped in the weeds by the duckpond right before I fled the trailer park. An ugly, stinky gorilla jumped up out of the weeds and scared the shit out of me, and I ended up blasting it with my taser. I swear it had a crack pipe or something hanging out of its mouth. Now, I'm no cryptozoologist, but I think that might have been a Bigfoot beast. I'm not interested in that stinky hairy monster, you can keep him. But my job depends on me getting those satellite pieces back. REWARD. Call number on tear-off phone sheet tacked to bulletin board outside the laundry room.

FOUND GIZMOS AND DOOHICKEYS
Mostly twisted metal, some looks like it melted and hardened, some is just jagged and/or corrugated. None of it's rusty. Also found huge cylinder with antennas and shit sticking offa it. Get ahold of Carl in space #1 to identify and claim.

For Sale

USED GORILLA SUIT
Not exactly brand-new condition. Has meth pipe melted onto rubber facemask, and it's got a taser burnhole in the chest area. All offers considered, will consider trade, depending on what you got. Preference given to cash (of course), tweek, lumber, booze, cigarettes, and dynamite. Make offers to Rudy in space #19.

= GRAND RE-OPENING = EVEN THOUGH WE NOT CLOSE =
SAME OLD MARKET, NEW CASHIER, SECURITY, LONGER HOUR!
Owner, operator, sole employee Hung Phuc bring in family to help with store!
BOOZAPALOOZA INTRODUCE OWNER, EMPLOYEE FAMILY
Still Own/Manage by ung Phuc
Cashier by wife Piti
Evil stink-eye to shoplifter by son Grudge
NO MORE GROUCHY SERVICE AT BOOZAPALOOZA!
--ALSO -- OPEN MORE -- NEW EXTEND HOUR --
OPEN 5AM CLOSE 2AM!
= OPEN FOR EARLY MORNING TELECOMMUTER =
= STILL OPEN WHEN BAR CLOSE! =
You still find Boozapalooza same place.
500 yard south of Tinbox Acres, cross highway.

Real Estate and Real Estate By-products

3-BEDROOM SINGLEWIDE WITH HUGE EXPANDO
Living room portion decimated by a tree that got knocked down by a crash-landing satellite. It must be worth something just because of THAT. Willing to consider all reasonable offers, or trade for similar quality (before the tree hit it) mobile home, preferably a doublewide. Make SERIOUS OFFERS ONLY to Virginia Beadle in space #17.

ONE-STOP TRAILER SHOP - BIOREMEDIATION BLOWOUT SALE!
We'll sell your trailer, or we'll sell you the stuff to remodel it! We'll move your trailer with our rig, and we'll even bioremediate it! If your trailer is still uninhabitable from when the sewer overflowed all over it, give us a call! It ain't hopeless! We even went out and bought gas masks for the job! Call Trailertown NOW at 555-1313.

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