Lost and Found

LOST CANS OF GENERIC SODA
Disappeared right out of the vending machine outside the laundry room. Entire machine was decimated, and all the sodas went missing. Strangely, the cash box was not touched. Reward for information leading to apprehension of the perpetrator. Bonus reward if sodas are also returned. Telephone Management at the number listed on the sign at trailerpark entrance.

FOUND BIC LIGHTER WITH PLASTIC TOP TORN OFF
Found in the driveway in front of space #15. See Norm in space #81 to identify and claim.

LOST TIRE IRON
Last seen behind my trailer, leaned up against the metal toolshed. If found, please return to Ernie in space #83. Lean it against the toolshed and run, if you want.  Just give it back.

For Sale

LEFTOVER SODIE-POPS
Still got about three six-packs left over from when I accidentally pried it open with a tire iron I found laying outside somewhere, I swear. Illness forces sale. I drank something like 36 cans in one sitting (BT dared me) and I ended up in the emergency room, overdosed on sodie-pop. Cheaper than the machine at only a quarter a can! Mostly diet shit and root beer left. See Timmy in space #47.

================ ROGELIO'S MARCH MADNESS SALE! =================
Spring Fever Dollar Days at the Quick-E-Mart!
All sale items only $1.00

Cheez-Whiz 8 oz. can                                $.1.00
Pack of Zig Zag Rolling Papers                       $1.00
Huge 16-oz bag generic Pork Rinds                 $1.00
Giant 24-oz bag generic cheese puffs              $1.00
Bottle of Thunderbird                                $1.00

If you want horrible, stale, weird-ass food in cans with foreign labels, stagger left
out the driveway. If you want the kickass deals above, stagger to the right.
We're 500 yards north, across the highway.

Obituary

Rudolf Robert Bonaparte
June 6, 1960 - February 14, 2004
Rudy in space #19 passed away
in the goriest way possible, right there on his porch
in front of everyone in the entire trailer park.
Rudy's remains was incinerated and we all took them in his urn
to Buzzards Bar, where we throwed them all over
the bar, the pool tables, the juke box, and the clean glassware,
which pissed off the bartender and got us all throwed out.
Rudy will be sorely missed by almost the whole trailer park.

Real Estate and Real Estate By-products

STILL LIVING IN A SEWAGE-DAMAGED HOVEL?
Replace it with a used premanufactured metal dwelling!  All sizes and styles available -- from round, one-axle trailers on up to 5-bedroom manufactured homes! Fixer-upper sale price -- up to 1/2 off -- any item damaged by us in transport!
Call Trailertown NOW at 555-1313.

BUSINESS PROPERTY -- DEATH OF BUSINESS PARTNER FORCES SALE
Outdoor meth lab, in prime location-location-location, right on the shore of the duckpond. Unlimited ventilation guarantees any idiot can cook organic solvents over open flame and not blow themselves to smithereens when it all explodes! Duckpond offers free rinsing, cooling, and hazardous waste disposal. Haggle with BT in space #21.

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