Lost and Found

LOST
Our virginity. If found, keep it. It's not needed in space #40 anymore.

LOST OFF-WHITE CRYSTALLINE SUBSTANCE
Last seen in my living room. All the crystalline substance went missing right after the next-door neighbor's pool fell over and flooded my trailer. It might have washed right out the trailer and down the driveway, but nobody knows. Least not anybody sitting in my flooded living room singing "Yellow Submarine" over and over at the tops of their lungs. Anyways, if you find my shit, bring it back to DJ in space #41. Thanks.

FOUND RHINESTONE-STUDDED JUMPSUIT
Much like what Elvis would have wore if he was still alive, bless his soul. The jumpsuit was found near a speedbump outside space #54. Drop by space #81 to identify and claim.

For Sale

FREAKY PORNO FLICKS BURNT ONTO CDs
Features a real-live Bigfoot beast boinking a circus fatlady. You have GOT to see this. Only $5 per CD! Unlimited supply, thanks to the CD burner on the computer Arliss found someplace. See Timmy Radkin in the driveway or Arliss Feral in space #62 to purchase your porno MP3 CD and watch the freakshow today!  

======================== ILLEGAL FIREWORKS ========================
Forget about Safe and Sane when you can have UNSAFE AND INSANE!
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That's right! Rogelio just got back from Mexico with a shitpile of
Cherry Bombs, M-80s and M-160s, huge Roman Candles that fire projectiles,
Flaming Fireworks attached to long strings to swing around, and of course,
BRICKS AND BRICKS AND BRICKS OF BLACK CAT FIRECRACKERS!
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WHY WAIT UNTIL JULY 1 TO BUY HOME PYROTECHNICS?
Head over to Rogelio's Quick-E-Mart for some FIREWORKS TODAY!
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You know where to find us. Out the driveway, stumble right, weave across the highway.
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Real Estate and Real Estate By-products

SINGLEWIDE OVER-REMODELED MOBILEHOME - CHEAP!
Still sitting in space #19, since it was Rudy's before he done that header into that Skilsaw on his porch. Everything is all hosed down good now and you can't even tell that happened. If you're looking for a place to live and you got at least a grand in your fist, call JR Johnson NOW at 1-800-JOHNSON.

SPECIAL -- TRAVEL TRAILERS OR U-MOVE MOBILES -- THIS MONTH ONLY!
Thanks to that wreck we had with the trailer-moving rig, we're running a sale on anything you move off our lot! Take a eye-popping 25% OFF anything on the lot, and we'll even rent you a trailer hitch so's you can drag your purchase home!
CALL TRAILERTOWN NOW AT 555-1313.

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