Lost and Found

LOST WALLET - REWARD
Black leather, monogrammed with my intials (WWW) across the front. Contains my old Fire Department ID and badge from when I was a fireman, a Arson Investigator card from the Department of Justice, several top-secret documents, $25,300 in large bills, my passport, operation directives for my next assignment, and a suicide pill just in case. Dropped during that  scuffle with police. Also lost key ring at the same time. And my glasses. If found, please return to Welcome Wagon Willy in space #38.

FOUND WALLET
Black leather, old as dirt and beat to shit. Has a zig-zaggy design across the front. Contains four "in case of emergency notify" cards, each one containing a different name and space number as the person to contact. One says to notify Pearline and another to notify twin sister Earline in space #40. Another one says to notify Elvis in space #54's ex-wife Priscilla. A gold-embossed official-looking card says to notify Maudine in space #37 in case of emergency. Wallet also contains a state ID card issued to a William Wallace Winke, a bunch of really shitty poetry scrawled all over little pieces of scrap paper, $2.53 in loose change, a parole card in the name of William Wallace Winke, and a tiny baggie of meth. Found in the flowerbed next to space #40. Stop by space #81 to identify and claim.

FOUND SET OF KEYS, PAIR OF GLASSES
Found in the flowerbed next to space #40 while tending to the pot plants I've been growing there so I don't get busted growing it in my own yard. Stop by space #91 if the glasses and keys are yours, and don't NOBODY go tiptoeing through the old ladies' flowerbed to fuck   with Maddog's pot plants if you all know what's good for you.

For Sale

WACKY TABACKY
I found me a bunch of pot plants growing in the wild, in a flower patch next to somebody's trailer. Will trade for beer. Inquire with Timmy Radkin in the driveway.

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~~~~~~~~ ROGELIO'S QUICK-E-MART ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
~~~~~~~~ CUSTOMER APPRECIATION BLOWOUT SALE ~~~~~~~

=== BUCK BARGAINS === LOSS LEADERS LEFT AND RIGHT! ===
40-ounce Miller High Life 2 bottles for a buck!
Bugler tobacco, a buck a bag!
Bugler cigarette papers 2 packs for a buck!
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Directions: Turn right out of driveway, stumble 500 yards, then cross the highway.
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Real Estate and Real Estate By-products

HAUNTED CAMPER - A REAL STEAL!
Here's your chance to own a piece of Tinbox Acres history. Contrary to what you may have heard from the rumor mill, Anil's old camper is NOT jinxed. When the last two people to live in a camper get killed in fiery mishaps, the place is considered haunted. It ain't considered jinxed until at least five of its residents in a row die in a similar fashion. All offers considered. Haggle with Dot the crazy cat lady in space #8.

ABANDONED SINGLEWIDES AND DOUBLEWIDES
Cruise through the trailerpark and look around. If anything empty interests you and you're NOT flat-ass broke right now, call Management at the number on the sign at the top of the driveway. Cash only.

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