Lost and Found

LOST BAGGIE OF METH
Last felt in my right front pants pocket while building that expando onto Maddog's trailer. May have fallen out inside the trailer when I got the shit stomped out of me. If found, please return to badly jonesing Darrell Feral in space #19.

FOUND THE WOMAN OF MY DREAMS
And I call legal dibs on her right here and right now by running this ad. My soul mate is currently employed as a Quick-E-Mart clerk. I don't know her name, because I ain't stalked her long enough to find that out yet. If anyone knows the name of the new clerk at Rogelio's, please tell Willy in space #38.   

LOST AGRIBUSINESS
All my fucking pot plants. Gone. POOF. Roots and all, dammit. Just pitiful little piles of dirt left as evidence. Last seen where I planted 'em in the flowerbed next to space #40. Return my plants (or their remains) no questions asked, and you will be rewarded by NOT getting slammed with a can of whoop-ass. If found, return to Maddog in space #91 pronto.

For Sale

WACKY TABACKY
I still got me a bunch of them pot plants I found growing in the wild, right there in a flower patch next to some pink dented-up trailer. Will trade for more beer. Just stand in the driveway and holler, "TIM-MEEEEEEE!" real loud and I'll come out and do bid'ness witcha.

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BOOZAPALOOZA INDIAN SUMMER CLEARANCE SALE
Every item in store 50% off! That half off price! Not half off product! No shit!
Buy one, get half off, no have to buy other item!  

CRAZY - CRAZY - CRAZY - CRAZY - CRAZY - CRAZY - CRAZY

No, not crazy. What crazy is trailerpark goofball pay double just to see
sunny blonde clerk lady with huge pair of knocker ring up sale!
Watch scrawny assless little pissed-off Asian guy ring up sale, pay HALF!

Direction: Turn left out driveway, go 500 yard, run super-fast cross highway.
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Real Estate and Real Estate By-products

FIFTH-WHEEL CAMPER
Kind of a dump, but it'd clean up good! Shit, I may as well sell my trailer, since I've spent damn near every night in the past month and a half in the jail trailer. That's six weeks space rent I didn't even use. Inquire with Welcome Wagon Willy space #38. If I'm not there, check the fucking jail trailer across the driveway in space #33.

GENTLY AND NOT-SO-GENTLY DROPPED TRAILERS -- CHEAP!
Huge 60-foot doublewide with all the amenities, got dropped in the street by our trailer moving rig. Dented but not destroyed! Just make a reasonable offer and it's YOURS. If you ain't got a reasonable amount to make a offer with, we got lots and lots and lots of trailers, singlewides and doublewides, with different degrees of destruction, some you can get for ALMOST NOTHING! Generally, the faster the rig was moving when the trailer fell off, the cheaper the trailer. Check out our $125 doublewide that fell off at freeway speed, flew over a embankment where it crashed kitchenfirst and fell over onto its living room with the bathroom side on top, then skidded down a hill and into a gravel pit!  
Call Trailertown NOW at 555-1313.

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