Lost and Found

LOST BRA
Size 56EE, industrial-strength steel-belted radial doohickey with 32 hooks up the back. Off-white in color. Last seen on top of my laundry basket right before picking it up and heading to the laundry room. If found, please notify Beulah Radkin in space #68.

FOUND DUAL WATERMELON LAUNCHER
Discovered in the driveway outside the laundry room. Works excellent, can lob two medium sized watermelons all the way over the fence and into the field next door. Constructed of stretchy Kevlar. Has fastener thingies, but they seem to fasten to each other and not to the two fenceposts the watermelon launcher is currently nailed to. Inquire with either Lonnie or Ronnie Dorque in space #24.

FOUND SHIT-COVERED TWISTED METAL WRECKAGE
Fell out of sky onto roof of Boozapalooza during shitstorm last month. See Hung Phuc to identify and claim, and also to bust out wallet and pay for repair to roof of market.

For Sale

$5 MONSTER TRUCK RIDES AT THE DUCKPOND
Head on down with five bucks in your fist to ride in Eddie's monster truck! Do donuts, run over old beaters abandoned at the end of the trailer park, and even do rooster tails in the duckpond! Scare the shit out of the ducks! Rides occur weekday afternoons, 1 pm to 5 pm.

_____________________________________________
ROGELIO'S THANKSGIVING STOCKPILE SALE!
Family's coming, ain't they? Now is the time to start hoarding
the shit your relatives burn through, such as:  

CHEEZ-WHIZ: 2 cans/$1
RITZ CRACKERS: 1 box/$1
DEVILED HAM: 3 cans/$1
DISGUSTING GREEN OLIVES: 2 jars/$1
TALL CAN OF SCHLITZ BEER: $1
HUGE CAN OF CHEAP MALT LIQUOR: $1
GENERIC CIGARETTES: $3/pack
LIGHTERS: 3/$1

Also, ask about our 3 sizes of KEGS: the PONY, MUSTANG, and CLYDESDALE.

Be relative-ready. Head over to Rogelio's Quick-E-Mart and stock up TODAY!

Directions: Turn right out the driveway, stagger 500 yards. Stop, look, and listen.
When the coast is clear, stumble and weave across the highway. Blue sign out front.
_____________________________________________

Real Estate and Real Estate By-products

TINY, POSSIBLY HAUNTED CAMPER -- CHEAP!
Formerly inhabited by Anil Roberts, before he died in that flaming, exploding mishap. Before that, it was occupied by Bobby Roy, who died in that flaming catapult mishap. Perfect home for a circus midget! Inquire with Dot the crazy cat lady in space #8.

HIGH-POWERED EXTERIOR TRAILER WASH AND PERFUMED DE-STINKING
Don't get up there and scrub all that shit off your trailer that rained down out of the sky! You've been though enough already. Let us come by and hose your trailer down with our fire hose using your hydrant! Let us deal with your biohazard so you won't! Let us asphyxiate ourselves unconscious in front of your trailer by mixing cleaners and deodorizers so you don't! Call Trailertown NOW at 555-1313.

HOME