Lost and Found

LOST HALF-PACK OF GENERIC BLUE-LABEL CIGARETTES, 100s
Last seen sitting on the roof of my truck. If found, please return to Fatty Daddy in space #88.

FOUND DEAD CHRISTMAS ELF
Fell out of the sky and into the pool over at Buzzards Trailertopia. If he's yours, then go to the County Morgue to claim him, 'cause that's where he went.

For Sale

OLD BEATER -- CHEAP!
1977 Plymouth Impala, beat to shit, gets about five miles to the gallon, but it RUNS! Needs a whole bunch of parts to make it legal, but it'll get you to the corner market or to your dope dealer's and back if you take side streets. A real steal at only $400! See Donnie Dorque in space #24.

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ROGELIO'S HUMONGOUS HOLIDAY BLOWOUT SALE!
Shop at the Quick-E-Mart and SAVE BIG 'til 2005!

EVERYTHING IN THE STORE 50% OFF!
including BEER AND CIGARETTES! AND HARD LIQUOR!

Come in to Rogelio's Quick-E-Mart and STOCK UP TODAY!

Directions: Veer right out the driveway, stumble 500 yards. Weave across the highway.
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Wedding Announcements

Maudine Green and Marshal Arvin
Were married in a quadruple wedding ceremony at the duckpond on Saturday, November 20, 2004. The happy couple honeymooned at the local hotel casino, and will be living together in Maudine's trailer in pace #37. Marshal's trailer in space #35 will be used as a extra jail trailer when we get all buckwild crazy from now on.

Ma Feral and Carl Bailey
Got hitched at the duckpond with a bunch of other couples on Saturday, November 20, 2004. The happy couple honeymooned at the local hotel casino, and will continue to live together in Carl's trailer up next to the highway in space #1.

Pop Feral and Beulah Radkin
Exchanged vows at the duckpond in a quadruple wedding ceremony on Saturday, November 20, 2004. The happy couple will continue to live in that huge quitnuple-wide trailer palace in space #68, and Pop Feral plans to adopt Beulah's boy Timmy.

Dot the crazy cat lady and Tod the homeless guy
Tied the knot at the duckpond on Saturday, November 20, 2004 in a quadruple wedding ceremony. The happy couple will be living in Dot's trailer in space #8. Tod may or may not adopt one or all of Dot's kittycats. Nobody gives a rat's ass about that.

Obituary

Hermie Claus, about 1960 to November 20, 2004
We don't really know Hermie's real last name, but he was one of Santa's elfs, so we done give him Santa Claus' last name. All we know about the little guy is he worked at the mall with Jingo, and he died of alcohol poisoning at the bachelor party. Oh, and we flung his body onto Buzzards Trailertopia with our catapult, but we ain't supposed to admit that part of it. Little Hermie Claus will be sorely missed by Jingo the retired circus midget, who must now pick up Hermie's slack at the Santa's Workshop in the mall.

Real Estate and Real Estate By-products

Sparkly-clean singlewides and doublewides
Nobody knew these trailers would look so nice once they got all cleaned up. When we were all forced to hose down our trailers after the septic tank blew up last month, I found some rather decent looking trailers under all that dust and grime and shit. Ask for details! Get 'em while they're hot!
Call JR Johnson Realty NOW, 1-800-JOHNSON.

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