LOST
AND FOUND
LOST LOVE
Strawberry blonde, about 5'6", answers to the name Belinda. Last
seen boinking some racecar driver named Ramone in space #90. If found,
please return to Willy in space #38.
Brownish-yellow in color, snaggled at the edge from opening beer bottles with it. Can't remember where I seen it last, but if you find my tooth, please return it to Andy in space #91.
FOUND HALF A CIGARETTE
There it was, just laying in the driveway outside the laundry room. GPC brand, probably full-strength 100, judging by the color and length of the filter. Stop by space #81 to identify and claim.
FOR SALE
INCREDIBLY
DENSE, TOTALLY UNSMOKABLE ROCK OF CRACK
Found near a speedbump between spaces #90 and #91. Will trade
for beer. See Timmy Feral in the driveway.
_________________________________________________
BACK
TO SCHOOL SPECIALS AT ROGELIO'S MARKET
CHECK OUT THESE DEALS:
Vending-machine quality microwave burgers and sandwiches $1.00 each
Ultra-caffeinated Sugar Bomb soda pop 25 cents a can or $1.25 for a six-pack
Gigantic bags of potato chips, cheese puffs, tortilla strips, etc. $1.00
a bag
Directions: Stagger up the driveway and careen right at highway. Stumble
500 yards.
Weave across the highway. Blue sign out front.
_________________________________________________
Real Estate and Real Estate Byproducts
ULTRA-PRIVATE SINGLEWIDE TRAILER
--CHEAP!
The ultimate in security, with chain-link fencing all around,
and privacy cactus covering the front. Features covered carport/add-on,
evaporative cooling, and free cable TV from the wire hanging off a telephone
pole to the rear of the trailer. Call JR Johnson Realty for details, 1-800-JOHNSON.
NEW UNDAMAGED ARRIVALS
We got us a new rig driver and he got every load to the lot in one
piece! Our rig ain't dropped a trailer on the highway in over a month!
Come on in and check out our undamaged inventory, or
Call Trailertown NOW 555-1313.
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