by Welcome Wagon Wily in space #38

Am I the luckiest motherfucker on the planet, or what? There's this totally hot chick named Maudine in the trailer across the street from me, and I'm shacked up with the wildest woman on the planet. Life is good. Just when I thought life couldn't possibly get any better, guess what moved in next door to me? Twins! FEMALE twins!

God, talk about a lifelong fantasy come true. I have ALWAYS had a thing for twins, and the thought of a couple of female twins--dare I think it? NAKED female twins--living in the trailer right there next to mine was driving me out of my skull. I just HAD to feast my eyeballs on this delicacy, and I had a plan.

Ma Feral would kill me if she knew about my fixation with our new neighbors, so I had to make sure there was no chance she'd catch me. I picked up a couple bottles of generic hooch from Rogelio's Quick-E-Mart, then I headed down to the duckpond and yanked me a handful of wildflowers out of the ground. I strolled back to my trailer and with exaggerated grandiosity, I bowed and presented Ma Feral with the flowers and booze. She about melted on the spot. After my old lady poured both of them fifths down her gullet, she reeled into the living room and poured herself onto the sofa.

Once she was out for good, I was safe to tippy-toe outside and sneak over for a gander at my twin gals next door. I figured if I got caught out there, I'd just say I was adjusting the window screen on the side of my trailer that faces the twins or something like that. Even with that pre-fabricated excuse, my heart was pounding in my ears as I pressed my face against their living room window and peered inside.

I got the show to end all shows. Them two look-alike ladies was wearing nothing but lingerie. TWIN lingerie, too, with lace and straps and rhinestones and feathery boas and everything. Then one of them put on some music, and they started dancing together, right there in the living room. Then they started kissing.

That's what I WISHED happened, anyway. In reality, them twins seen me standing there with my eyes bulging and my red, sweaty face all mashed up against their living room window, and they both screeeamed. Then one of them got up and rudely yanked the curtain closed so I couldn't see in no more.

Undaunted, I circled their trailer until I found a window with just enough space between the curtains so I could see in again. I tipped my head sideways and pressed my face against the glass to get a good view. One of the twins was putting on a bathrobe over her bra and undies. The other twin was wearing a checkered nightie and had the phone to her head. Two minutes later, the cops showed up.

Them cops sure can be sneaky bastards, can't they? I didn't even know there was a cop behind me until he tapped me on the shoulder and I leaped out of my skin. Then his partner came up and asked me where I lived and what was I doing outside that window. Naturally, I told the cops my prefabricated story. I stated when I looked out my window and seen that my next-door neighbor's screen was loose, I done the heroic thing. I came over to fix it so they wouldn't have to run outside in their skimpy, lacy lingerie and batten down that loose screen. I don't think the cops bought it.

Next thing I knew, I was cuffed and caged in a cruiser, headed for the county lockup. I got photographed and fingerprinted, then spent the whole night in the holding tank and got released on OR the next morning.

Thank God Ma Feral was still passed out when I got turned loose and came home.

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