by Timmy Radkin in space #68

Wowie kazowie, the niftiest thing on the planet happened last month. I got to drink my first beer! Old step-Pop Feral give me that beer as a reward for breaking into some old fart's bathroom. Everyone got locked out somehow and they was all drinking beer and had to piss something fierce.

I gotta admit, I about shit myself when I seen Pop Feral skulking up to the trailer. I thought he found out them pictures in the laundry room wasn't a gorilla with the front half of its body buried in a pile of silly putty, but rather nekkid pitchers of him and my ma. And if he found that out, it wouldn't be too hard to figure out I was the one what hung 'em up in the laundry room.

Instead of being beat to a bloody pulp by a seven-foot-tall, 300-pound pissed off Sasquatch, I got brung to some fat old fart's trailer and asked nicely to break into it through the bathroom window.

I was still wondering what the catch was when I opened the door and there was a beer-bearing step-Pop Feral waiting for me on the other side. I figured out why they was so grateful when the old fart ran into the bathroom and slammed the door and when he was done, there was bubbles in the toilet that reached the seat. That dude must've hadda piss like a racehorse. Judging by all the bubbles in the toilet, that old dude DID piss like a racehorse.

After everyone had their turn in the bathroom, step-Pop Feral didn't run me off. He let me finish my beer and even gave me a few more after that. I had a blast drinking with all them guys, even though they're all old as dirt. Maybe they won't seem so old when I turn 13 in September, especially now that I got a buzz with 'em.

This was even more fun than sitting around Eddie and Arliss' trailer smoking. Eddie's this guy my sorta-stepbrother lives with. They give me cigarettes all the time. One time they spaced and handed me that bulbous glass pipe they're always toking. It didn't do nothing to me, other than it burnt the shit out of my fingers.  And I couldn't close my eyes all they way, not even to blink, for three whole days.

I got me another sorta-stepbrother named Darrell, thanks to step-Pop Feral. Darrell lives up in Rudy's trailer, now that he's dead. He didn't inherit the trailer like Eddie inherited the one him and Arliss live in, though. He just sorta started squatting there when he couldn't take the outdoors no more. Darrell ain't shared no chemical substances with me yet, but I don't think he's got chemical substances to share in the first place. Shit, he ain't even got electricity.

I don't think that old bat who lives up in space #1 with Jesus counts as my step-Ma, even though she's step-Pop's ex. I don't think a step-parent's ex counts as anything. Leastways I hope not. Ma Feral's nuts, even for here in the trailer park. I mean, that broad's hollering nuts. I'm glad she's Arliss' and Darrell's ma and not mine. My ma might need to get weighed on the cattle scale at the feed store 'cause her doctor's scale don't go that high, but at least she don't holler at me.

Life just don't get no better than this for a almost-13-year-old boy like me. You know what, though? Let's all be real. I'll probably wind up waiving my Miranda rights in a loud slurred voice many times over the course of my life anyway simply 'cause I grew up in a shitbag trailer park. It takes a village to raise a child, but it takes a trailer park to really fuck a kid up for life.

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