IT'S WAR! BUZZARDS TRAILERTOPIA DECLARES WAR ON TINBOX ACRES
Launches Counterassault to Tinbox Acres' Accidental Catapult Assault

Buzzards Trailertopia declared war on Tinbox Acres last month when they launched a series of deliberate attacks against us. It seems they done found out about our catapult. They figured out that it was our catapult what launched that flaming tire that made a ringer onto the steeple on top of their bar, and boy howdy, were they pissed at us!

We explained and explained that it was a accident, that we didn't even know where the flaming tire landed. But they figured we must have had a physicist or someone figure out where to launch that thing, because there ain't no way no how trailerpark imbeciles like us could have made that ringer on accident.

Someone at Buzzards gots a niece who's a real live physicist. She figured out something called a trajectory, using projectiles, then went taught the folks at Buzzards how to build a huge slingshot by stretching a truck innertube between two fenceposts.

Now, it ain't proved yet, but we suspect Buzzards got the idea for their slingshot from hearing about that gizmo Harold in space #56 hooked up in his kitchen window a while back. He and Madge used that kitchen-window slingshot of theirs to launch fruit at the fightin' Feral family's trailer.

Them Buzzards residents didn't stop at just one huge slingshot, neither. Nooooooo. They used the whole beach at their end of the duckpond and filled it with huge slingshots made out of telephone poles and truck innertubes. Last we heard tell, they had a dozen of them suckers set up, and every last one of 'em was aimed RIGHT AT US.

That explains the scorched rocks and that spikey iron ball and all that rotten fruit and whatnot that rained down out of the sky onto Tinbox Acres.  It also explains why a whole bunch of us suddenly has to repair big old holes in the roofs of our trailers and toolsheds, and also why all our yard appliances has great big dents in 'em all of a sudden.

Even though we got attacked and all that, you gotta admit them Buzzards residents been using creative ammo lately, what with the Valentine's Day theme. Who can forget cow's hearts raining out of the sky, each one branded with sayings like "You're Mine" and "Kiss Me?" We hear tell they got them cow's hearts from the butcher, then branded them with a leatherpunch heated with a blowtorch. Now THAT'S creative.

We launched a counterattack with our catapult. It don't matter HOW creative they got, Buzzards had it coming. Besides, the catapult DID send that flaming tire clear over to Buzzards back around Christmastime.  That was awful fun to watch, so it weren't too hard to convince us to go ahead and use the catapult to launch a counterattack.

At first, we just launched the scorched rocks and shit back at Buzzards that they launched at us. But the fact remains they do have all them slingshots and we only got that one catapult, so we started launching some more flaming tires at them, just to even the score.

The cops showed up and was screaming something incoherent about "interpark medieval warfare" and whatnot; generally shit pertaining to an arsenal of huge slingshots and whether or not a catapult counts as heavy artillery.

Anyhoo, there ain't nothing in the lawbooks pertaining to our war with Buzzards. So for the time being nobody's got arrested or even ticketed. But the cops assure us that we better quit engaging in interpark medieval warfare or there WILL be a law against it, and we better believe it.

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