FRIENDLY FIRE BLAMED FOR CAMPER CONFLAGRATION
Anil Roberts in space #73 Hauled to Nuthatch

According to police reports, the flaming tire that burned Anil Roberts' trailer to the ground last month was launched from our very own catapult here at Tinbox Acres. Since it was friendly fire, no arrests were made.  

According to the police report, we're all a bunch of idiots and it would be a monumental waste of police time and taxpayer dollars to even attempt to deter us from doing stupid shit to ourselves. The cops say if it ever sunk into our thick skulls that it ain't a good idea to launch a flaming tire into our own trailer park, we'd probably just do something stupider, like getting our cottonpickin' hands on a bunch of fireworks and digging out all the firework powder and blowing ourselves to smithereens with it.

For those of you who were in the pokey, sleeping off a hangover, or just out of the trailer park for whatever reason when it happened, here's a brief recap.

Maddog Monson went down to the duckpond to try out the catapult. He launched a few rocks into the field next door. Then he got dibs on launching the next flaming tire onto Buzzards Trailertopia.

Clarence was all passed out in his trailer in space #62. Skip Bodell went over and spirited a huge-ass monster-truck tire out of Clarence's yard while he was unconscious in Hangover Land. Skip hauled the tire down to the duckpond and loaded it onto the catapult. Ronnie Dorque doused the tire in motor oil and lit it.

Edgar the maintenance guy volunteered to push that old dented fridge we've been using as a counterweight up the ramp over the catapult and drop it onto the other side, but Maddog wanted to drop the fridge himself. Unfortunately, the fridge landed too far over to one side. The flaming tire flew wild and it arced up in the sky in the wrong direction. Then it spun and tumbled all the way down until it hit Anil's trailer square in the living room.

This ain't the first time one of Maddog's shots went wild. Somebody's got to come forward and tell him that his aim ain't no good, and he's gonna have to practice with non-flaming objects for a little while.

We'll all be a lot better off if Maddog ain't allowed to launch nothing on fire until his aim improves. Big rocks should be good practice ammo. The worst that will happen if he lands them rocks on us is our cars and yard appliances and roofs will have great big dents in 'em. But at least they won't burn to the ground like Anil's trailer did.

Poor Anil got hauled off to the County Nuthatch when that happened. It was just too much for him to bear, watching his idol Pat Robertson standing there engulfed in flames and not flinching or sweating. Pat was GRINNING even, a huge, Satanic grin, and he was standing right there in the middle of Hellfire and brimstone.

Anil wigged out and started screeching and squawking and struggling to bust away from the men in white coats. He thought he could run in and possibly perform an exorcism on Pat Robertson through the TV airwaves before the TV melted too much to see the picture.

It was for the best when them men in white coats grappled Anil and shoved him headfirst into that straitjacket and quickly wrapped the arms around him and secured them with a square knot. If they hadn't gotten him into that straitjacket right then, Anil probably would have run into his trailer and scorched his hands off on the TV set. He was out there yammering about having to do a "laying on of hands" to old Pat Robertson 'cause the flames didn't burn him. Pat didn't sweat or turn red at all, not even when he was all engulfed in flames and the TV imploded and the screen went blank.

Anil was doing okay in the Nuthatch all doped up and everything during his first 72 hours of observation. He figured there was a law against not turning someone loose when their 72 hours was up.

Anil got to find out the hard way that them doctors could lock him up for as long as they please, provided he keeps acting crazy enough to scare them out of turning him loose and his insurance don't run out.  Anil's insurance runs out about halfway through this month. We can expect him to show up around St. Patrick's Day.

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