EDDIE AND JINGO PARTNER UP IN BUSINESS VENTURE
Catapult Launches Midget Onto Roof of Boozapalooza Market

Our catapult got retired as a medieval weapon of mass destruction last month so it could start its new career in show biz. This is why there ain't a catapult down by the duckpond no more. It now resides in the dirt lot next to the market up the road.

After Jose the Mariachi guy returned home to the rest of the band, Eddie didn't have no partner for his act in the parking lot. Jose had been playing the guitar in the lot while Eddie sat on the ground and collected money. Once Jose left, Eddie needed a new partner. He was sitting on the shore of the duckpond, smoking meth, when up walks Jingo the Incredible Circus Midget. Jingo retired a few months ago.  Now he resides in space #99 at the end by the duckpond.

While conversing at the duckpond with Jingo, Eddie learned that Jingo's act in the circus was to be shot out of a cannon. He retired because he's getting way too old and creaky to be fired out of anything. Actually, it wasn't being fired out of the cannon that was getting to Jingo, but the impact from landing. So Eddie came up with this great idea to remedy the situation. Jingo was all ears 'cause he always loved his work.

Eddie's idea was simple. The catapult was getting old and wore out from being used so much, and the bar was all bent in a inverted U-shape from launching such heavy shit. Plus, we used a fridge full of rocks for a counterweight. Eddie tore the catapult apart and hauled it to the market up the road and set it up in the dirt next to the building. Only difference is he reassembled the catapult with the teetertotter bar facing the other way, with the seats above the bar instead of below it. Then he had BT come over and blowtorch the whole shebang together. BT got Rudy to Skilsaw apart a bunch of wood. They used that wood to construct a platform for dropping a 100-pound cement-sack onto the teetertotter seat opposite Jingo's.

Jingo was all kinds of happy when he saw the new launching device for his act. Eddie suggested they just launch Jingo onto the roof of the market, 'cause that would eliminate a lot of the impact that would come from hitting the ground. Eddie and Jingo then began rehearsing their act.

Eddie's part of the act is easy. All he's got to do is cajole the market's customers into making a bet. Eddie catches the customers as they enter or leave the store. He bets them $20 that he can launch a midget onto the roof of the market. It's a easy bet to win once you get your trajectory right, which they didn't get right at first.

On the first launch, Eddie overshot the target because of the increased lift due to BT welding the teetertotter bar on upside-down. Jingo flew over the whole goddamn building and landed with a ker-PLOP! in the dirt on the other side. Jingo didn't burn nothing up on impact like a flaming tire would have, though.

Eddie then overcompensated by moving the catapult too far away from the building. Jingo did a face-plant into the market's exterior cinderblock wall.  But Jingo's soft, midgety body didn't do no damage to the building like if a boulder was launched instead. After another half-dozen launches, Jingo was landing softly up there on the rooftop.

Not only are Eddie and Jingo making money hand over fist now, but some of the same folks who lost the bet have come back, with friends and relatives, to place another bet. It looks like these folks don't rightly give a shit if they win or lose the bet. It's just worth $20 to see a midget get launched onto the roof of a Quick-E-Mart from a catapult. Anyways, with the sheer numbers of people showing up to bet, Eddie and Jingo's been averaging about $100 per launch.

Now Eddie and Jingo are raking in the luchre hand over fist. Eddie's finally got a way to pay the space rent on that doublewide he inherited when Clarence keeled over. Jingo don't have to live on just his Social Security. This is just a win-win situation all around.  

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