YET ANOTHER COP CHASE ENDS HERE AT TINBOX ACRES
Game of 'Quarters' blamed this time

It seems no matter how much we get warned about it, somebody always ends up leading the cops in here at a very high rate of speed. Out of all the times we've led the cops into our humble little trailer park, not once has anyone ever led the cops back OUT. That's because there's only one entrance/exit here at Tinbox Acres, and it's at the top of the driveway. The other end dead-ends into a duckpond.

You'd think by now we'd get it through our thick skulls that there ain't no way to ditch the cops once you're in our driveway, but no. And this time it wasn't just one goofball on wheels leading the cops in, it was a whole scooter gang. The gang consisted of two little old ladies on scooters, a psych facility escapee on a souped-up scooter, and the trailerpark security guy on that dog-slow golf cart of his.

Carl Bailey started it all when he got himself that electric scooter. We seen him scooting up and down the driveway on that thing, and next thing you know, everyone wants one. Dot in space #8 and Old Lady Beadle in #17 went out and bought matching scooters. Them old ladies been scooting to the yarn store and to the market up the road, and just all over the place together. Then Carl Bailey started hanging with the ladies and going for scooter rides with them. When they all scooted out the driveway convoy-style headed for Buzzards bar, Andy decided to join the pack on his golf cart.

The ride out was uneventful, just four trailer-park residents scooting on up the road in the bike lane, heading out for a few drinks at Buzzards bar. Upon arrival to Buzzards, Carl goaded Andy and the old ladies into a game of "Quarters." This explains why the ride back to Tinbox Acres got a little wild.

For one thing, instead of riding single-file in the bike lane, everyone ended up side-by-side for some reason. Dot and Miz Beadle was within the boundaries of the bike lane, but both Carl and Andy's scooters hung out into the roadway, impeding traffic. When a motorcycle cop got behind the scooter pack, Carl stood on the gas and whizzed away. Dot and Miz Beadle followed. Andy tried to run, but all his golf cart did was putt-putt-putt until it went ka-POOEY right there in the bike lane. That's when Andy got impounded and his golf cart got arrested.

The motorcycle cop had radioed for backup, and by the time Andy's cart went kaput, there was a whole parade of twinkling cruisers chasing after the two old ladies and the psych facility escapee. Miz Beadle and Dot got popped about halfway down the driveway. Carl Bailey made it all the way to the duckpond, where he up and disappeared into thin air.

The cops looked all over for Carl and they put a BOL out on him and everything. As far as any of us knows, Carl might have done like in that movie Back to the Future, where he got going so fast he got sent back in time or something. People don't just POOF and disappear like that, not even a psycho nutcase like Carl.

Old Lady Beadle and Dot sure shocked the shit out of the cops when they took off their helmets. They didn't expect a couple of prim little old ladies would lead them on a wildass scooter chase like that. They were expecting to find a couple of street hooligans under them helmets. Instead, it was two sweet old ladies with shampoo-set hairdos and pearlescent-pink lipstick.

The gals acted sufficiently flustered and surprised when they noticed all the cops on their tail, so they got let go with a stern warning and a safety lecture. Neither of the womenfolk impeded any traffic on the highway like Carl and Andy did, anyways.

The cops that chased Carl Bailey down to the duckpond combed the shore for two hours after he fell off the planet, then they done give up. Nobody's seen hide nor hair of Carl since. Dot has speculated that maybe Carl got going so fast on that souped-up scooter of his, that he went faster than the speed of light or something and went backwards in time like Einstein.

Somebody's gonna have to remember to ask Carl this question if he ever comes back. If you're on a scooter traveling faster than the speed of light and you flip on the scooter's headlight, does it work?

HOME