SEPTIC TANK ERUPTS LIKE MOUNT VESUVIUS
Dome of shit rises under circus midget's trailer and explodes

We all laughed when Jingo started claiming a hill was forming in the middle of his trailer. The lunatic ravings of a circus midget, that's what we thought. Well, we was wrong.

The sump pump sits right next to Jingo's trailer, and the septic tank is buried under it. The driveway slopes downhill, and space #99 is the last spot at the end. Since any idiot knows that shit flows downhill, the septic tank was put down at the end of the driveway.

That hill in the middle of Jingo's trailer swelled up gradually over the summer, only elevating the middle by about two inches a month. Plus, it stunk. Finally, management came in and looked at it, and at the sores on Jingo's legs he claimed was a result of the hill. After careful examination, management said, "Pish-posh, your trailer's fine and there's no way a hill can give you a leg rash," and boogied on out of the trailer park in a non-beater type vehicle.

The midget continued screeching and squawking about the hill in his living room. But he wouldn't leave that little trailer of his. Despite a big stinky mountain of shit boiling up under his trailer, he  refused to leave. Jingo had been hollering about the shit-hill more than usual lately, because it grew a whole six inches during the month of September. Halfway through October, it erupted.

Good thing Jingo was at his job as a goblin at the Halloween shack in the mall when his trailer blew, or he'd be a goner for sure.

We all started smelling this godawful stench in the morning. Everyone just thought it was a meth lab cooking, so we didn't even bother to investigate. Instead, we just stayed closed up indoors with the fan off since it finally got cool enough to do that. You don't want to go wandering around a meth lab that's cooking, 'cause it might explode on you. It's safer to just stay cooped up in the trailer.

By noon, we all seen and smelt that shit-scented steam curling up the sides of Jingo's trailer from out his windows. A bunch of us was milling around outside the midget's trailer, placing bets on what the fuck was emitting from the windows. A small stampede of neighbors was headed down the driveway to see what was going on. That's when the top of the trailer blew off.

The trailer's roof disappeared into the sky, propelled by a geyser of shit. What goes up must come down, and it all come down on Tinbox Acres, the field next door, the duckpond, and even Buzzards Trailertopia over on the other side of the duckpond. And boy howdy, did it come down HARD. Especially on Buzzards.

The duckpond and Buzzards Trailertopia got it the hardest. Next hardest hit was the trailers here in Tinbox Acres that's up closest to the highway. The shitstorm got milder and milder the closer you got to the midget's trailer, where the epicenter was. All of us who was milling around outside the epicenter when it blew just got knocked back by the pressure release in the ground, and lightly misted in shit. The duckpond got turned into a roiling toxic brew, and we hear tell the fallout caused some trailers over at Buzzards to implode.

The shit volcano's actual eruption itself didn't last that long. We seen the plume for only about a half an hour. It was the fecoclastic cloud that done the most damage. It was fun watching that   plume of shit blast up into the sky. What wasn't fun was when it all came raining back DOWN.

That nasty shit coated all our trailers and us, and when it hit the ground, it did what shit does naturally. It rolled downhill. That moat the midget had dug around his trailer caught a lot of it, but the overflow ran into the duckpond and thickened it all up.

After the nightmare was over, we went and plugged up all our sewage lines by trying to shower all that shit off of ourselfs in our trailers instead of just hosing each other off outside.  

The only one of us not to get hit with either the shit volcano or the fecoclastic cloud was the little guy who lived right on top of that thing in the first place. And all because he was at the mall when it happened.

HOME