HOLIDAY WET T-SHIRT CONTEST ERUPTS INTO MASSIVE CATFIGHT
Sight of chicks wrestling in mud sends Willy to nuthatch

The one thing the police seemed to want to know more than anything else in the whole world was this. How the fuck did a bunch of Christmas carolers wind up buck nekkid in that freezing cold duckpond of ours?

It all started out innocently enough. Carl and Ma Feral-Bailey from up in space #1 went across the driveway to space #2 and dinged Edgar the maintenance guy's doorbell. When Edgar opened the door, Ma and Carl busted out singing Jingle Bells.

Edgar thought that was so cool, he followed Ma and Carl next door to Dot's trailer, where they all sang Santa Claus is Coming to Town for Dot and her new husband Tod. Dot and Tod then followed Ma, Carl and Edgar back across the driveway and down to Buck and Buddy's trailer in space #15.

Buck had just made a beer run and managed to run off with about a dozen cases of Natural Ice and Pabst Blue Ribbon from the Boozapalooza while the little Asian dude that runs the place was in the
bathroom pinching a loaf. So the carolers all took a break and pounded beer.

Two hours later, Ma, Carl, Edgar, Dot, Tod, Buck and Buddy staggered up to Virginia Beadle's trailer, and Buddy leaned on the doorbell.

Old lady Beadle had a fit when all them drunks burst into a off-tune chorus of, Jingle Bells, Batman smells, Robin laid a EGG! right there on her front porch. Next thing you know, all the carolers was ducking and dodging 3/8" stainless steel ball bearings fired from old lady Beadle's wrist rocket.

Undaunted, the carolers next serenaded and recruited BT, then the entire Dorque family. The happy bunch went drinking and snorting and smoking and singing from trailer to trailer until they all got to space #54.  Now, Elvis always has plenty of alcoholic beverages on hand. Pills, too. After spending an hour in Elvis' trailer, we all reeled up to Harold and Madge's trailer next door.

Elvis was the only one what sang Silent Night like a normal human. Everyone else was incoherent from all the beer, booze, pills and illegal substances. So we all just meowed along with Elvis' singing. You know that funny song they play on the radio, with the cats meowing Silent Night? Well, we was all doing that on Harold and Madge's porch. And we kept right on doing it, up until Harold throwed one of his work boots out the kitchen window at us and shooed us all off his porch.

We just kept going from trailer to trailer, recruiting sober carolers, drunk carolers, stoned carolers and tweeking carolers. In fact, we didn't stop when we got to the end, no-siree. We just kept staggering and stumbling and reeling and singing until we all splashed into the duckpond. It musta been all the booze and dope what made it seem like such a great idea.

The womenfolk looked kinda cute all sopping wet in the duckpond all freezing cold like that. This had to be the nippliest Christmas Eve ever. Twins Pearline and Earline was bouncing up and down on their toes to keep warm, which made their titties go boing-boing-boing all over the place.

Fatty Daddy started tapping on a bong with a bong poker to get everyone's attention, then announced that it's  TIE -- that twins Pearline and Earline had just tied to win the Tinbox Acres Holiday Wet T-Shirt contest.

Nobody even knew there was a contest going on. Pearline and Earline beamed with pride at winning the wet T-shirt contest, but the other women were pissed. One thing led to another, and before we all knew it, every last one the ladies was in the duckpond, tearing their tops off each other and smearing mud all over the place, even in each others' faces and hair.

The sight of all them nekkid filthy women mudwrestling in a freezing cold duckpond was just more than poor old Welcome Wagon Willy could take. His face got all red and his eyes bulged and he spread all his fingers way out and then a funny thing happened. Willy fell on the ground and flopped and twitched and convulsed like popcorn. It seems he done suffered cataclysmic eyeball overload and his brain went and blowed a gasket.

When the red ambulance showed up, the men in white coats wasn't sure who to haul away. At first, they figured it was the freezing wet filthy womenfolk who went apeshit and needed a ride to the nuthatch. They thought Willy was actually ill and needed a ride to the real hospital in the white ambulance. The red ambulance takes folks to the nuthatch.

Finally we got it all straightened out and Willy got whisked away for 72 hours' worth of observation, rest, relaxation, and pharmaceutical-grade dope.  

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