DARRELL FERAL'S TRAILER GETS BLOWED TO SMITHEREENS
Burnt hair stinks up entire trailer park for a week

Every idiot knows you ain't supposed to be cooking meth over a open flame.  Every idiot except for Darrell Feral, that is. And even HE knows that now that he blowed his trailer up cooking meth over that gas stove of his.

You'd think Darrell woulda learnt his lesson from when Speedy over at Buzzards blowed up his trailer last year, and when Eddie blowed up his camper the year before that. And Darrell SEEN Eddie blow up his camper, so that shoulda been engraved on Darrell's brain, if he had one. Plus, we get reminded of what cooking meth on a gas stove indoors will do to you every time we look at Eddie's bald, scorch-scarred head and eyebrowless face.

Darrell ain't got no eyebrows no more, neither. They got blowed to Eyebrow Heaven. And his hair got blowed to Hair Hell, judging by the smell of the trailer park after the explosion. Goddamn, nobody knew body hair and head hair and eyebrow hair could smell like that, no matter what you did to it. But if you mix a whole headful and bodyful of hair with BO and meth chemicals and stale cigarette smoke and beer farts and then detonate all that in a big metal box, it'll stink for a week.

Darrell inherited Rudy's old trailer when Rudy done that header into his Skilsaw almost a year ago. This means Darrell also inherited old lady Beadle for a next-door neighbor. Old Lady Beadle seen what the medical examiner called a Skilsaw-induced sagittal bisection happening to Rudy, all up close and personal with her own eyeballs out the living room window.

It's a good thing old lady Beadle got stuck snowed in for the winter at her grandson's house way up north someplace when the trailer next door blowed up. Time flies when you get old. By the time you get to be Virginia Beadle's age, a year goes by every time you blink. It ain't even been a year since she seen all that gore out her living room window. Witnessing yet another next-door trailer disaster this quick after the last one would have done the old gal in.

Old lady Beadle don't even know her trailer got scorched in the blast. The blackened side of the trailer is in Darrell's yard, and she don't ever go out there and look at it. She ain't even got any steps outside the door on that side of her trailer. It's just a door hanging over a two-foot-high drop-off, and that side of her trailer is now marked like a Siamese cat. Maudine says it looks like a baked Alaska. If old lady Beadle could see farther than two feet in front of her face, she'd see it from the driveway like we all do.

A whole fleet of emergency vehicles and whatnot showed up when Darrell's trailer exploded. Darrell rode away in the white ambulance to the hospital's burn center. He's now all red and hairless and strapped to a bed in the hospital's secure area for those trying to heal up enough to go to jail.

We hear tell Darrell's got a parade of gorgeous nurses smearing lotion all over him all the time, so it's all good.

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