LITTLE DOOBIE IN SPACE #61 BOOTED FROM SUNDAY SCHOOL FOREVER
Teacher goes batshit over marker-pen scribbles on wall

Maddog and Doralee's kid got herself 86'ed from church. Now, we can picture Andy's boy Damian getting throwed diaper-over-pacifier out of Sunday School for the day, but not the Doobster. She ain't even two years old yet, and she's a genuine sweetie, all cute and everything. And Maddog is always bragging about how smart she is.

Most guys here in the trailer park have ditched a knocked-up girlfriend or three at some point in their lives. Maddog ain't no exception. He's no doubt got kids running all over the place we don't know about. But Doralee's one tough old bird, and she wasn't about to let Maddog go skeedaddling off into the sunset while she had his kid alone. So she done the right thing. She moved her trailer out of Buzzards Trailertopia and into Tinbox Acres to be near her baby daddy.

Maddog didn't warm up to his kid right away, no-siree. We all remember Doralee and Lulu standing outside space #91, hollering and crying for Maddog and Andy to come out and take responsibility for their kids, or at least babysit so their baby mamas could go out drinking and partying once in a while.

Andy, of course, is still avoiding his kid Damian like the plague, but Maddog couldn't help but to warm up to Doobie. Damian still shits his pants and screams like a banshee when he don't get his way. But Doobie's all housebroke, and she's real cute and happy and she smiles real big and squeals, "DADDY!" every time she catches a glimpse of Maddog.

Doralee and her ma Dena and her gramma Edna all say that Doobie can read, already, too. Damian can't even talk yet. All he can do is scream his fucking head off until his face is all red and sweaty. And Doralee says Doobie can write a little bit, too. She can write her name, and if any of us here in the trailer park were literate, we'd be able to read it.

Doralee dropped Doobie off at Sunday School while she attended church services a few weeks ago. The Sunday School teacher handed out marker pens and paper to the kids, and said they could draw pretty pictures and the bigger kids could write a story if they wanted.

Doobie ain't a big kid--she won't even be two years old for a couple months. But she can write her name. And the teacher didn't make it clear the kids were supposed to write on the paper. There wasn't enough room on that paper for Doobie, so she toddled off and started writing on a wall in the Sunday School classroom when the teacher was outside taking a smoke break.

When that teacher came back into the Sunday School classroom and seen what all Doobie scribbled on the wall she went apeshit. She screamed at Doobie and made her cry. Then when Doralee came in  to pick up Doobie, the teacher was screaming that Doobie's a heathen and that she blasphemed all over that wall.

Now, Doralee had a digital camera in her purse that she bought from a tweeker for five bucks a while back. So she pulled that camera out and shot a photo of the wall the Doobster scribbled on. Arliss in space #62 printed out that photo on his computer printer, and we all looked at it.

Nobody here in the trailer park can make any sense out of Doobie's scribbles, except Doralee pointed out where she wrote her name, Doobie B., at the top in pink ink.  And one of the scribbles in there kinda looks like the word bullshit, but that's probably just a accident. The rest of it is just scribbles that don't make no sense. Leastways it don't make no sense to any of us here in the trailer park, except maybe Doobie.

Here's what she wrote on the wall:

On the Origin of Life                           by Doobie B.
Everyone is always arguing over how life originated on Earth. Scientists say we all came from microbes that originated in a pool of primordial soup when our planet was very, very young. Religious zealots say God picked up some mud and rocks and squished it into a statue of a man, named it Adam , blew on it, and it came to life but was lonely so God yanked out one of Adam’s ribs and made him a playmate and named her Eve . People have been arguing over the origin of life for centuries, and folks have even been killed over it. But neither the scientists nor the zealots has it entirely right. The scientific thinkers say that God belongs in the same category as Santa Claus and the Tooth Fairy, but I never heard of God climbing down anybody's chimney or leaving money under their pillow when a tooth fell out. The religious zealots say science is bullshit altogether and besides, life is far too complex for the age of the Earth, even if you take punctuated equilibrium into consideration. The scientific thinkers and the religious zealots each have a piece of it right, though. Life is too complex for the age of the Earth. And people are not made out of mud and rocks. So where did life on Earth come from ? The answer is obvious. Life on Earth came from a neighboring planet that got hit by a huge asteroid and destroyed, with the only survivors from that ancient cataclysm being extremophile prokaryotic bacteria buried deep in the rock fragments as that ancient planet blew apart. Some of the microbe-bearing rocks fell to Earth. Some fell to Mars. Some fell to planets we have yet to discover. And a bunch of them are probably still floating all over outer space right now. If we looked in the right places in the right ways, we’d find them. All life on Earth has the exact same DNA code, which suggests a common ancestry among all living things. That common ancestor happens to be an extremophile prokaryotic microbe. This is why all life on Earth shares the same DNA blueprint language, in an alphabet of only four letters ( adenine , guanine , thymine , and cytosine ) written on a three- dimensional page in the shape of a double helix along a sugar- phosphate backbone. This is why, no matter how high up you go or how deep into Earth you dig, all life forms on this planet have the same DNA. But what about life on other planets ? When the ancient planet blew apart eons ago and sent its prokaryote-bearing payload flying willy-nilly all over the place, no doubt pieces landed on other planets. So when the rocks landed, the bacteria encased in them continued to divide and grow, evolving to exploit each planet’s chemical and atmospheric makeup. And their waste products even changed their new home planets atmospheres, requiring further evolution to adjust. That‘s how Earth got its own thick, fluffy, oxygenated atmosphere where only a barren, mostly methane atmosphere was before. I would venture to guess that life on other planets in our neck of the universe do, as a matter of fact, share our DNA. But they look wildly different from life on Earth because they did not evolve on Earth. These various life forms are likely scattered all over, but the highest concentration of them would be on neighboring planets in our very own galaxy, the Milky Way. They may or may not have evolved into tetrapods like us, having four limbs and a head, or hexapods having six legs like insects. They may have an endoskeleton with their bones on the inside like mammals, or an exoskeleton with the hard parts being outside, like bugs, or even with no skeleton at all. They might be bilaterally symmetrical like us, or they could be radially symmetrical like starfish and jellyfish and some other sea creatures.   But you can bet your butt they’d be symmetrical in some way instead of just a random shape because symmetry is likely hardwired into that DNA we share with all other life as we know it. The type of symmetry each life form has would depend upon the environment in which each particular form of life evolved. But if you got hold of one of these life forms and analyzed its DNA, it would be made of the same four nitrogenous bases as ours, and all other life on Earth. As far as space aliens are concerned, I don’t think they came from outer space. I think they came from us. Space aliens, like the ones the government found crashed at Roswell in the 1940s and hid in Area 51 are probably anthropologists from the future  who figured out how to overcome that glitch in Einstein’s equations that dictate you can’t go faster than the speed of light. If you go faster than light, not only do your headlights not work but you travel backward in time. Those space aliens at Roswell were our descendants from way far in the future, come back to study us. If we could travel backward in time, we’d be paying a visit to Australopithecus afarensis and Homo habilis and getting some DNA samples and whatnot to analyze, and we’d probably implant some tracking devices for good measure. Take a good , hard look at pictures of these “aliens.” See if you don’t think we look like a step on the evolutionary ladder between apes and those space aliens that crashed at Roswell. Now, seehow easy it is to explainit all?

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