TINBOX ACRES FIRST ANNUAL TRAILERPARK OLYMPICS HELD
Lulu in space #61 wins two gold medals

One for keeping the filthiest kitchen ...

... and one for being the ugliest chick.

Winter Olympic events are bullshit. Skiing, slaloming on skis, ice skating ... who ever does any of that? About the only Olympic event that makes any sense to us trailerpark inhabitants is the luge. Now, that would be fun, packing a kayak full of people and sending it careening willy-nilly down a ice-lined tube.

We don't need no stinking Winter Olympics, no-siree. We can have our own Trailerpark Olympics. And we don't have to wait until February for it, neither.

We had our first annual Trailerpark Olympics on New Year's Eve because we wanted to and because we were shitfaced. Plus, we had to come up with something to top the drunken mudwrestling catfight that happened on Christmas Eve last year.

The first Trailerpark Olympic event was a game of Quarters, which Maddog won. Since we didn't have no real gold medals, we just used a big bag of gold-foil-wrapped chocolate coins, which Willy handed out. The real prizes got donated later, when the guy who drives the trailer-moving rig for Trailertown got shitfaced and gave away a bunch of trailers and mobilehomes.

Hung Phuc the little oriental dude who owns Boozapalooza market showed up and started giving away booze for prizes. Not to be outdone by the diminutive Phuc, Rogelio from Rogelio's Quick-E-Mart started handing out dynamite and cigarettes and Ritz crackers and Cheez Whiz like crazy.

All the gold coins and prizes meant we could have as many real trailerpark events as we wanted. Maddog won a gold chocolate coin and a carton of cigarettes in the game of Quarters. Jingo the circus midget lost so bad at Quarters, he was awarded a booby prize of one pack of generic light 100s and a stick of dynamite.

Maddog took the gold medal for evading police. No real police were used in the event. It was basically just a obstacle course through the trailer park, which involved squiggling through holes in the chainlink fence and a lot of ducking and hiding between and underneath trailers.

Lulu in space #61 won two gold medals, one for her nasty-ass kitchen, and the other for being so goddamn ugly. She also took the silver medal for having the rottenest kid in the trailer park, trumped only by Beulah and Pop Feral with their monster Timmy.

Some new folks who moved a RV into space #30 last month won a gold medal for the unhook-and-run event. They unhooked their RV from the electric and septic then ran, but they ain't come back to claim their medal and prize yet. Too bad, because they also won a singlewide from the trailer-moving-rig driver guy.

Welcome Wagon Willy took the gold for the creep-n-peep event. Willy managed to creep up and peep into more trailers than anybody. And he did it wearing firesuit. That earned him a IOU for a brand-new trailer from the rig driver. Willy also won a couple sticks of dynamite and a half-gallon of Wild Turkey for busting out of the jail trailer the quickest.

Psych facility escapee Carl Bailey won the electric scooter obstacle race down the driveway. Carl's prizes included a gold chocolate coin, four sticks of dynamite, and a doublewide. Carl got rid of that camper he and Ma Feral-Bailey have been living in, and had the doublewide dropped right there into space #1.

The winner of this year's wet T-shirt contest is the new chick in space #50, Belinda Jameson. That chick's got a set of cantaloupes on her. As soon as Belinda pulled them melons out of the ice water and shook 'em off, the trailer-moving rig driver handed her a set of keys and the title to a great big doublewide.

Willy handed her two gold chocolate coins, one for each tit.

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