TRAILER-MOVING RIG DROPS ONE ONTO THE HIGHWAY
Rig Driver Shitfaced, Unlicensed

One falls off the trailer-moving rig, skitters down the
highway, and comes to rest in the dirt on its side

You ain't gonna believe who lives here now 

Hooooooooo-doggies, that trailer wreck out on the highway sure was exciting, wasn't it? The whole trailer park's been buzzing about it all month.

Andy and Maddog in space #91 had bought a trailer cheap at Trailertown, and paid to have it delivered to space #90. The trailer was to be used as a gigantic grow room for hydroponic cannabis, so Andy rented the space across the driveway for the new trailer so they could keep a eye on it all the time.

We've all seen wrecked trailers at the Trailertown sales lot up the highway, some with just a few dents and dings, and some with the whole kitchen or bathroom torn of 'em. We seen trailers that looked more like accordions than something you could live in. But this is the first time any of us ever seen how them trailers got wrecked in the first place.

Trailertown had a guy driving the trailer-moving rig with a actual commercial driver's license for a while there. All the trailers made it to their destination in one piece when that guy was behind the wheel. But then he moved to Las Vegas and took his CDL with him. Trailertown was in a pinch, so they hired some goofball off the dirt racetrack who ain't even got a driver's license to deliver Andy and Maddog's new trailer.

But then several things went horribly wrong. Although the new driver is a local celebrity at the racetrack, it's for his stellar performance in the demolition derby. In fact, he's won the annual schoolbus demolition derby for the past 14 years in a row and counting. Secondly, the guy has a serious problem with alcohol. And lastly but not leastly, this was the first time he'd ever been behind the wheel of anything bigger than a schoolbus.

It's amazing the rig made it as far as it did. The problem wasn't really with the rig driver's driving, but with his stopping. It takes a enormous amount of energy to bring a trailer-moving rig and its payload to a complete stop from highway speed, which is what had to happen in order to make a left turn into the trailer park.

As a result, the rig driver didn't apply the brakes in time to stop in front of our trailer park. He overcorrected by standing on the brakes, sending the rig to a smoking, stinking stop on the left side in front of the trailer park. The singlewide on the back rocketed at highway speed off the rig to the right, where it crashed onto its hallway side and slid about 500 yards past the park. The trailer eventually came to rest in the dirt lot kitty-corner across the highway in front of Boozapalooza market. We all seen it.

The trashed trailer was no longer suitable to house Andy and Maddog's pot plants. Maddog was pissed. He went storming up to the rig and snatched the driver out from behind the wheel. That's when Maddog recognized the driver as Ramone Houston, local demolition-derby champion. Maddog's a huge demo-derby fan.

Instead of giving Ramone the rig driver a ass-whooping, Maddog gave him the wrecked trailer. Despite his local racetrack-celebrity status, Ramone had been living in a teardrop-shaped mini-trailer in the racetrack parking lot near the porta-potties. The demolition derby ain't exactly the highest paying event at the racetrack. Driving super-late models is.

So now we got us another celebrity here in the trailer park besides Elvis and Jesus. Be sure to stop by space #90 and say howdy to new neighbor Ramone Houston. Maybe if we're real nice to him, he'll let us ride with him in the next schoolbus demolition derby.

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