CHRISTMAS EVE FIRE SWEEPS THROUGH THE TRAILER PARK
Hundreds of dollars' worth of damage done
 
Christmas lights started the fire, which then spread to a propane tank,
causing it to explode.

  
When the propane tank blew, flames spread through the weeds
to several nearby trailers.

Of all the crazy, dangerous shit we have here in Tinbox Acres, it was Christmas lights that burned down half the trailer park on Christmas Eve.

At first, everyone just thought it was twinkly Christmas lights, or maybe a cop car or three out there twinkling in the driveway. But then Ramone's propane tank blew up and we all peeped out our trailer windows and seen the fire spreading.

By the time the firetrucks and cop cars and ambulances and everything showed up, Willy already had on his firesuit, firehat and goggles and was spraying down everything his garden hose would reach. Fatty Daddy brought the marshmallows and we stood around roasting them until the cops called us all retarded assholes and the firemen shooed us away from the fire.

Now, we ain't the kind of folks who'd let one little fire fuck up our Christmas Eve, no-siree. We all sat on Elvis' porch and pounded massive quantities of alcohol and smoked, snorted, ingested and injected every mind-altering substance we could get our greasy hands on.

Then we went caroling. We got to carol the firefighters for about five minutes, until they got sick of listening to all of us fucking up the lyrics to Rudolph the Red Nosed Reindeer and Jingle Bells, Batman Smells, Robin Laid a Egg, and especially Willy's pornographic version of You're a Mean One, Mr. Grinch. In fact, that probably got Willy arrested. Either that, or the fact that he was wearing a firesuit, firehat and goggles when the real firemen showed up, since he's on already probation for impersonating a firefighter.

Anyways, we somehow got shoved to the other side of the fire, which is how we all ended up at the duckpond on Christmas Eve again.

Somehow or other a bunch of the womenfolk ended up having a wet T-shirt contest in the duckpond, but nobody got hauled to the nuthatch this time. It wasn't that the Christmas Eve shenanigans weren't as wild as in years past, it's mostly because all the emergency vehicles in the county were otherwise occupied with the fire raging through our trailer park.

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