TINBOX ACRES GETS A FUN NEW TOY
Thanksgiving festivities interrupted by police, SWAT teams
All that hassle ...
... because of this
We all got to find out the hard way that the police and SWAT teams do not get Thanksgiving day off work when we tried out that gigantic slingshot that Andy and Maddog built down at the duckpond. It's starting to get too cold outside to even try paddling a blow-up rubber raft across the duckpond to the bar at Buzzards Trailertopia, so we needed to find alternative transportation.
Andy and Maddog constructed our alternative transportation to the bar out of shit we have laying around the trailer park anyway: a old downed power pole, two truck innertubes, a pair of Pop Feral's jeans, a chainsaw, a pair of scissors, a big staple gun all full of staples, some great-big screws, and a great-big screwdriver.
The guys cut a couple of ten-foot posts off that downed power pole that's been laying by the duckpond forever, and buried them three feet in the dirt, leaving seven feet sticking out. Andy got the scissors and cut the butt out of a pair of Pop Feral's old jeans, and cut two huge truck innertubes in half. Maddog stapled one truck innertube onto each side of the jeans-butt, and then screwed the other ends of the innertubes to the posts sticking out of the dirt. It only took half a day to construct the giant slingshot.
By the time Andy and Maddog were done building the slingshot at the duckpond, everyone in the whole trailer park was completely hammered on that traditional Thanksgiving drink, Wild Turkey, and ready to try out our new ridey toy.
We wasn't about to go riding in a untested gigantic human slingshot, no-siree, not even after guzzling all that Wild Turkey. So Maddog did a couple of test-launches with old bald tires and rocks and whatnot to get a feel for how far you have to pull back on the truck innertubes to launch however much weight.
The first human to ride the slingshot was Jingo the circus midget in space #99, since he'd be the easiest one to launch. Jingo sailed smoothly over the duckpond, and landed in the sand right outside the bar at Buzzards.
Carl Bailey the psych facility escapee in space #1 wanted to go next. Carl, too, sailed over the duckpond with ease, and landed in the same spot Jingo had landed minutes earlier. Good thing Jingo had gotten up and gone into the bar and already had a drink in his hand when Carl hit the sand, or there would have been a collision for sure.
When word got out to the rest of the trailer park that the bar at Buzzards was open on Thanksgiving Day, a line formed, with everyone wanting to ride the slingshot across the duckpond to Buzzards. Not only is it fun, but it's just too far across the duckpond to walk. The trip back is particularly brutal, since most of us drink until we can't stand up, let alone walk all the way around the duckpond. Somebody needs to build a gigantic human slingshot over at Buzzards to launch us all back home when the bar closes.
Anyhoo, nobody's sure who tipped off the cops and the SWAT team and the Fire Deparment about our giant slingshot at the duckpond. Maybe it was Buzzards Trailertopia. The folks over at Buzzards got a little pissed off when we tried to launch all 300 pounds of Pop Feral, causing him to bellyflop mightily into the duckpond and splash water all over anyone within 50 feet of shore. Fat chance they'll build us a return-trip slingshot over there after that.
Before we knew it, the whole trailerpark was just crawling with emergency vehicles. The cops strung some POLICE LINE - DO NOT CROSS tape across our driveway and conducted a huge investigation. When it was determined that it was just a case of a bunch of trailerpark goofballs fucking around, the emergency personnel just did what they usually do with us. The cops hauled a dozen or so neighbors to the county jail, the ambulance hauled two neighbors to the nuthatch, and the firemen put out a small barbecue-related fire at the duckpond, and reminded us to quit blocking the driveway by parking carelessly.
Then, thankfully, all the emergency vehicles left and everyone remaining in the trailer park had a great Thanksgiving dinner.
HOME
