Ronnie Dorque shares his recipe for converting regular, legal fireworks into real pyrotechnical fireworks like what the local stadium has, only with less light and more ka-BOOOOM. Cut a slit down the sides of a shitpile of fireworks and dig all the powder out over a baggie. Get a 5-gallon water bottle and remove the lid. Heat your bong poker with a lighter and use it to melt a hole in the middle of the lid. Hang the baggie of firework powder inside the bottle and place the lid on over the baggie, securing the lid real tight with duct tape. Trim off excess baggie hanging out from under the lid. Get one of the firework fuses and stick it through the hole you poked in the lid, so one end sticks out the top and the other end rests in the baggie with the powder. Set the device up by the laundry room, light the fuse, and RUN LIKE HELL.   Even though you won't see no lights a-glittering up in the sky like professional pyrotechnical fireworks, it makes a even bigger BANG, which is way funner anyways. The laundry room's built so it steers the shock wave down the middle of the trailer park. This maximizes the number of disheveled neighbors who run outside in the middle of the night in their ratty undies with a bad case of bedhead, wondering what the fuck just blew up out there.

Maddog Monson tells us that jeans and sneakers are much more appropriate clothing than a dress and spike heels for being chased down and tackled and shackled by the cops and/or men in white coats.

Norm Archer in space #81 advises if you have a wife, be nice to her and never take her for granted. Otherwise, she might boot your ass out and you will have no recourse but to go live somewhere no right-thinking human would ever live, like in a shitbag trailer park out in the middle of nowhere.

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