Fatty Daddy in space #88 tells us you can kill two birds with one stone by making your Halloween decorations blend right in with Christmas. We never remove our Christmas lights anyway. So all you need is a wig, a pair of jeans, a long-sleeved shirt, boots, gloves, a stapler full of staples, and a shitload of newspaper. Stick the boots up into the legs of the jeans and stuff the boots and jeans with newspaper to fill them out. Staple the bottom of the shirt to the waistband of the jeans and stuff the shirt with newspaper. Stuff the gloves with newspaper and staple them to the cuffs on the sleeves. By now you should have what looks like a headless dummy. Hang the dummy upside-down from your front awning. Wrap a string of Christmas lights down one leg, tying in a knot to anchor the dummy against the side of your trailer. Staple the wig onto the shirt collar so it looks like a head of hair hanging down. Voila!  Instant decoration that's morbid enough for Halloween, yet lit up bright enough for Christmas.

Ernie in space #83 tells us if you're ugly enough, you won't ever need to buy a Halloween costume. Ever.

Dot in space #8 offers this pearl of wisdom: Don't bob for apples wearing a shitpile of makeup and/or fake vampire teeth.

Beulah Radkin in space #47 shares this tip. All the ghosts and goblins under five feet tall want candy. Sometimes the little ghosts and goblins show up with a tall person in a costume. This is the adult chaperone, who must spend hours and hours herding all those little monsters door-to-door, making sure nobody gets runned over in the dark. The chaperone needs a drink, BAD. Keep little airplane bottles of hooch on hand to put in the chaperone's Trick-Or-Treat bag. This is one trick that will be greatly appreciated.

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