DJ the dope dealer in space #41 shares this pearl of wisdom. If one of your buddies who normally mooches dope shows up at your house with mountains of cash to buy pounds and pounds and pounds of shit from you, throw that person out on his ass. It don’t matter how long you known him. This goes double if that person got picked up recently for possession. At least ask where the hell he got the cash, for chrissakes.

Fatty Daddy in space #88 reminds us all not to engage in illegal activities outside our trailers unless we're dressed for it. This means the fellers ought to be wearing a Santa suit, and the womenfolk should dress as a elf if they're little, and as Mrs. Claus if they're bigger. 400-pounders like Beulah might want to consider dressing up as Frosty the Snowman. Cops are hesitant to cuff and cage cartoon characters, especially if there's kids around. Y’all are free to borrow Fatty Daddy's Santa suit any time you like, long as you ask first. If someone's already in it, you can borrow the Magilla gorilla suit.

Rudy in space #19 tells us that a gorilla suit does NOT stop the cops from busting your ass. Apparently the only costumes that work as cop repellent is the ones that little kids flock to. Kids don't flock to gorillas. A gorilla belongs in a cage, and that’s just where YOU'LL wind up if you go lighting up a crack pipe outdoors in a gorilla suit. Plus, it's hard to smoke anything through that rubbery gorilla mask.

BT in space #17 offers this safety tip. When your Christmas tree gets all dried out and crispy, you shouldn't go lighting the crank pipe right next to it. Them little pine needles catch fire even easier than your hair does. When your Christmas tree starts making crunchy sounds any time somebody stumbles and falls into it, then it's time to move the meth-smoking operation into the bathroom and away from the tree.

HOME