Welcome Wagon Willy in space #38 tells us the dive bar up the road is a great place to pick up buckwild crazy chicks.

The county health inspector would like to remind/inform all of us that duckshit can make you sick, even if all you do is accidentally inhale some little bitty dried-out duckshit particles. Who the fuck knows what stripping your clothes off and boinking in a pondful of duckshit can do to you. Dick and Jane had to be decontaminated at the county hospital after that. Let's all learn from Dick and Jane's mistake and avoid duckshit like the plague.

Arliss Feral in space #62 offers his solution to the meth lab paradox. If you cook it indoors, you risk blowing up your trailer. If you cook it outdoors on the shore of the duckpond, you risk being busted because the cops are watching our onshore meth lab for some reason. Arliss has been cooking his meth over in that trailer Speedy blowed up at Buzzards Trailertopia a couple months back. Nobody gives a shit if an already-blowed-up trailer re-explodes.

Dixie Dorque in space #24 says if you smoke pot to alleviate the symptoms of glaucoma, you need to wear your reading glasses when picking out seeds and packing bowls. Otherwise, you run the risk of loading seed-bombs. If you ain't got no reading glasses, you can sift a whole bunch of buds at once with a flour sifter and that'll clean all the seeds out for you so's they don't go blowing up in your face when you least expect it.

Harold in space #56 offers this hint to quiet down any tweekers that might be making a bunch of racket in the trailer right next to yours late at night. All you need is a posthole digger, two posts, a truck innertube, a swatch of canvas fabric, a great big hammer, and two huge nails. Dig two postholes in the dirt next to your toolshed, over by the offending neighbor's trailer. Insert the posts and pack all the remaining dirt tightly. Cut the truck innertube in half. Sew the canvas fabric to the ends of the innertube, forming a pouch. Cut the non-pouched end in half. Nail the rubber halfs to the posts with the hammer. Anytime them tweekers next door stay up all night banging and clanging around, robbing you of sleep, all you gots to do is load a big rock, stretch the innertube way back, aim it at the assholes' trailer, and leggo. Be sure to hide behind the toolshed so they don't see nothing when they look out the window. It only takes maybe five or six launches, and most of the tweekers will leave. And those that don't leave sure do quiet down in a hurry.

Eddie Whisman and Arliss Feral warn us about huge monsters and bugs or something like that. It's hard to tell with them two tweekers, delusional and incoherent as they usually are. Anyways, they was rambling something about how every time they have a party in space #62, something huge attacks and tries to eat their trailer, and it shits big rocks all over their porch. Eddie said the monster is attracted by noise, and it even tried to eat his truck once. You just can't take tweekers seriously.

Dick, Jack and Holmes in space #45 share this tidbit of info from prison. They was just released last month, so you can believe this is true. We all know that jailhouses record your telephone conversations. But if you blow real, real hard into the phone, it fucks up the recording device. Then you can talk about anything you want.

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