NEW EPISODE OF WORLD'S HAIRIEST POLICE CHASES FILMED HERE
Clarence leads parade of twinkling cop cars into trailer park and beyond

Clarence got his 15 minutes of fame when he led that parade of cop cars into the trailer park just before midnight on Christmas Eve. Accompanying the cops that night was the crew from TV's "World's Hairiest Police Chases."

Unbeknownst to Clarence, his monster truck's left tail light was out. He'd just won some kind of drinking contest at Buzzards bar, and was even more shitfaced than usual. A sheriff saw his burnt-out tail light and activated his overhead lights to stop Clarence to tell him to get his light fixed.

Clarence saw them flashing red and blue lights in the rearview mirror and he freaked. Before he could think, he'd already mashed the accelerator to the floor, and the chase was on. The cop radioed for backup, and within minutes Clarence was leading a high-speed Christmas Eve parade of flashing lights and sirens on a wildass slalom all over town.

You know what they say about what happens when people are chased -- they always run home. After taking the cops on a high-speed, zig-zaggy parade all over town and back and having passed our driveway at least a half dozen times, Clarence pulled into Tinbox Acres with that twinkly parade on his tail.

Clarence continued leading that parade of flashing lights and sirens over our huge pointy speedbumps at 40 miles per hour or better. That monster truck took the speedbumps with no problem. Ditto for the cruisers, which was a whole lot quieter than Clarence's monster truck when they hit the speedbumps.

The grass, dirt, and mud down at the duckpond didn't slow no one up, neither. Problems didn't start happening until all them vehicles went into the drink.

One thing that needs to be reiterated right here is this: Volkswagens float. Other vehicles sink. Cop cars and monster trucks in particular drop like boulders. We got to find that out firsthand, with our very own eyeballs. It even got filmed for national television by "World's Hairiest Police Chases."

Clarence was first into the pond. That truck went into the water with a SPOOSH! Then the truck made a circular rooster tail when Clarence did those donuts in the pond. The cops seen his two headlights, then one tail light, then two headlights, then one tail light alternately spinning in circles like they do when someone does donuts in the dark with a tail light out. The cops thought the truck was on dry land.

It just hadn't occurred to them that ANYONE would EVER do donuts in a duckpond no matter what, and especially NOT when it's pitch-black dark outside. Well, them cops underestimated exactly what a trailerpark resident is capable of doing after he's drank himself damn near to alcohol poisoning.

The cops was totally hit by surprise when they splashed all them cruisers into the duckpond. Clarence looked up and seen all them cops and flashing lights coming into the pond after him. So he decided to make a run for it.

Clarence got his truck halfway across the duckpond when it sank and the water was up over the hood and the tires was cemented to the pond bottom, rims-deep in duckshit.  Some of the cop cars had sunk, too, and they all had to be towed out along with Clarence's truck.

Since trucks don't run under water, Clarence was pretty much stopped dead in his tracks. Clarence refused to get out of his truck, so four big cops had to wade out into the pond in all that algae and duckshit. They grabbed Clarence and done folded him in half and drug him kicking and screaming out of his truck.

Clarence then got folded in half again, and shoved kicking and screaming headfirst into the backseat cage of one of them police cruisers for his ride to the substation for booking and processing.

While high-speed police chases ending AT the duckpond ain't all that uncommon, this is the first cop chase that ended IN the duckpond. The film crew said this police chase was so funny, Clarence might even make it into the opening credits on "World's Hairiest Police Chases."

Let's hope Clarence gets released from the pokey before his episode airs so he won't miss it.

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