Dear Editor:

Spring has sprung, and this has been a way more romantic springtime than I'd expected. It was so romantic, I ended up accidentally knocking up three of my ex-neighbors. Every last one of of them was trying to trap me into marrying them, too. That's why I moved away from Buzzards Trailertopia and into Tinbox Acres. I ain't no Mormon. I got no use for ONE wife, let alone THREE. I even had to sneak out of Buzzards in the middle of the night. Otherwise them chicks would have chased me down like bloodhounds. So if any knocked-up chicks come into the trailer park looking for me, you ain't seen hide nor hair of me. Thanks a whole bunch. I owe you guys one for this.

Maddog Monson
Space #91

Dear Editor:

Pat Robertson is the devil! Beelzebub himself, I tell you! It says right there in the Bible that Satan will come to us as a wolf in sheep's clothing, or more specifically, a demon in televangelist's clothing. Now, I must admit, them loud polyester leisure suits that Pat wears fooled me into thinking he was a real live messenger of God, just like Jim Bakker, Billy Graham, and my cousin Oral. But he ain't. I seen him with my own two eyes, standing right there in the middle of Hellfire and brimstone. Pat looked perfectly comfortable with them flames lapping at him from all angles. Then lightning bolts shot out of Pat's eyes, and my TV set blowed up and the screen went blank. I don't know what happened after that. I woke up the next day strapped down on one of them huge papoose boards in the County Nuthatch. Although medical staff unstrapped me from the papoose board, I'm still locked up. The only people in here who believe Pat Robertson is Satan Incarnate is the other inmates, and none of them can turn me loose.

Anil Roberts
Proselytizing goofball in Space #73

Dear Editor:

What is the proper way to stick two campers together? I knocked up a girl named Lulu over at Buzzards, and now she wants to move in with me. I only gots a little fifth-wheel camper. Lulu gots one of them little rounded campers with one axle down the middle. If we stick the two campers together, there should be enough room for me and her, and the baby once he's born.  There's already a hole hacked in my trailer from when it got broke into. But I was wondering what we ought to do with Lulu's camper. I was thinking maybe we ought to rip off the door and stick the door-hole up against the break-in hole on my trailer. I still got that hole covered with just a Hefty trash bag anyways. I seen that new resident over there with a Skilsaw and boards and nails and whatnot.  You think maybe he'd want to help me out?  There's a carton of cigarettes in it for anyone who can turn our two campers into one decent family home.

Andy the security guy
Space #68

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