Dear Editor:

Hey, guess what? I found the catapult! It's right up the road, in the dirt lot next to the market. It still works and everything. I can't fit all my trash on the scooter, so I just hotwire Andy's electric cart when the Dumpster's full and use it to haul my trash up the road. Then I use the catapult to launch my trash over the building, where I don't have to deal with it anymore.

Carl Bailey, psych facility escapee
Space #1

Dear Editor:

All right, which Tinbox Acres resident fill entire receiving dock and driveway behind Boozapalooza store with garbage? And how you get all that shit back there? Even delivery truck have problem squeezing behind. Last week I open back door to let meat-rot stench out from butcher department and BANG! Right there all over dock is trashpile, stink worse than butcher department on hot August day. One more thing. My last name pronounced like this: POOK.

Hung Phuc
Owner, operator, and sole employee of Boozapalooza

Dear Editor:

I just wanted to introduce myself to the neighborhood. My name is Rogelio, and I just bought that little market down the road from Tinbox Acres. I am really looking forward to doing business with everyone at Tinbox Acres, and also with the neighboring trailer park on the other side of the duckpond, Buzzards Trailertopia. Judging by the crowd I see outside the other market 1000 yards south of here, there is plenty of business for both markets! Rogelio's Quick-E-Mart carries all trailer-park necessities such as cigarettes, booze, Cheez-Whiz, flavored condoms, lighters, Harley-Davidson bandannas, Twinkies, and sodie-pop. You can even get propane at Rogelio's. The propane exchanger rack thingie is right outside the front doors. Stop by and introduce yourself! I'm looking forward to meeting all of you.

Rogelio
Owner, Rogelio's Quick-E-Mart

Dear Editor:

Hey. Did you happen to see the most beautiful girl in the world? And if you did, was she crying? Crying? So hey. If you happen to see the most beautiful girl, that walked out on me. Tell her I'm sorry. Tell her I ... I ... I think I forgot the words to that fucking Tom Jones song. Or maybe it was Englebert Humperdinck. Or Elvis. I dunno.

Norm Archer
Drinking the old lady goodbye in Space #81

Dear Editor:

I think I solved the problem with the sump pump! All it took was a wrist rocket, some stainless steel ball bearings, and a screwdriver. I hid behind a bush and shot out the security cameras with the wrist rocket and ball-bearing ammo. Then I loaded a Phillips-head screwdriver into the pouch of my wrist rocket and fired, piercing the alarm system, and I suspect the pump housing got impaled right along with it. I would have yanked all that barbed wire out by the roots, but as a senior citizen, I'm getting WAY too old for that shit.

Virginia Beadle
Space #17

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