Dear Editor:

I know what you’re all thinking. Willy fucked a fat chick! Willy fucked a fat chick! And I’m sure you’ re all laughing your asses off about me getting busted for indecent exposure and hauled away with Big Beulah. But there is a upside to this whole fiasco. All the ladies in the trailer park got a real good gander at the ol’ foot-long that day. Y’all better keep your ladies securely leashed, ‘cause ever since I ended up bareass naked outside, all them ladies been straying over to my trailer for another peek.

Welcome Wagon Willy
Entertaining the womenfolk in space #38

Dear Editor:

Where did DJ the dope dealer go? We been knocking and knocking all over his door, but nobody answers. If DJ shows up, please let us know ‘cause we’re all out of shit and we need more. Be sure and let us know IMMEDIATELY when DJ shows up, okay? The bugs are getting bigger and weirder every minute, and we’re both all twitchy and itchy and sluggish and irate at each other. Some of DJ’s shit would fix us up real good right about now.

Eddie Whisman and Arliss Feral
DT’ing in space #62

Dear Editor:

That’s not a earthquake. It’s just little old me, happy-dancing all over my trailer. Oh, goody, goody, goody! A guy paid attention to me! I’m gonna get married! I’m gonna get married! Willy’s the perfect guy for me. He don’t even gag when he’s reaching around under my clothes. I don’t think he even NOTICES the extra 300 pounds, and he don’t NEVER call me names, like Jabba-the-Hut or Humpty Dumpty in drag. Willy treats me real nice. Plus, he’s hung like a Clydesdale. Does anyone know where I can get a wedding gown in a women’s plus-size 32W?

Beulah Radkin
Deluding the shit out of herself in space #47

Dear Editor:

Hey man, I’m all set to be released from high-security, nightmare-from-hell juvie bootcamp in a few weeks. Can someone come by and pick me up? I have everyone’s beeper numbers, so I’ll just beep you all as soon as I’m released. Then someone with a car can come get me. Here’s how to get to the juvie bootcamp. Take that twisting, turning highway straight up the mountain about 30 clicks. Look on the right side of the road for a wooden sign that says “DANGER-COUNTY CORRECTIONAL FACILITY-DO NOT STOP FOR HITCHHIKERS” and when you see that sign, STOP. I’ll come running out of the bushes and jump in your car and you can take me back to Tinbox Acres. It sure will be good to be home with the family. Ma and Arliss are already out, and I heard Pop’s all set to get turned loose in the not too distant future. I’m so homesick, I can’t wait to finally see my trailer again.

Darrell Feral
In for a big shock when he shows up to space #54 and finds the family trailer melted

Dear Editor:

Hey man, it wasn’t ME who ratted DJ out to the cops. Speedy rolled DJ over so his customers would have no choice but to go to him for their shit while DJ’s locked up. Ain’t it OBVIOUS? Now take that fucking ‘RAT’ sign offa my back. I ain’t no motherfucking rat.

Bobby Dupree
Buzzards Trailertopia

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