Dear Editor:

I wasn't the one what destroyed the plumbing by flushing leftover meth chemicals, no matter what everyone says. I'm the one what cooked the meth. Arliss is the one what flushed the leftover meth chemicals. I just wanted to clarify that with you all, 'cause it was the meth chemicals what ate up the sewer.

Eddie Whisman
Space #62

Dear Editor:

What's all this shit I hear about what's happened since I been locked up? First, I hear my wife's shacked up in a fifth-wheel camper with some creepy pervert named Willy. I heard she HAD to shack up with this guy, because our trailer melted. Then I heard my older boy Arliss tore up the sewer. Now I hear my wife ain't shacked up with no creepy pervert, but she did up and disappear with some guy who escaped from the nuthatch. Is that all true, or is everyone just fucking with me?

Pop Feral
Rotting in prison but all set to get turned loose shortly

Dear Editor:

Don't nobody bother me for about a month. I got my cottonpickin' hands on several cases of generic hooch on a going-out-of-business sale at Boozapalooza, and I ain't coming out of my trailer until it's gone. My boy Timmy's gonna hafta bounce around from trailer to trailer for the next month, 'kay?

Beulah Radkin
Drinking her Willy goodbye in space #47

Dear Editor:

Hey man, I been out of Juvie for WEEKS now, and nobody's come and got me. I been beeping the shit out of everyone. Don't nobody have the same pager numbers no more? How do you all score dope? C'mon, somebody, drive up the mountain and give me a lift back to Tinbox Acres, already. I'm so fucking homesick. Plus, it's cold out here in the middle of nowhere at night. Where do you think they put Juvie bootcamps? In the middle of huge metropolitan areas? Right next to Disneyland? I don't want to sleep another night outside with the bugs and snakes. I'm probably halfway back to Tinbox Acres by now, so you won't even have to drive as far. I started hoofing it on the third day, when it became apparent nobody was coming. Just drive up the mountain and look for a really scraggly, runned-over version of me.

Darrell Feral
En route to Tinbox Acres

Dear Editor:

Is it just me, or is it WAY more peaceful around here? Maybe it's a little of both. Anyway, it sure is serene without that persistent asshole Willy or that scrawny little insane bitch of his, showing up at my trailer and harassing the shit out of me. Jeez, I didn't know this place could be so quiet.

Maudine Green
Space #37

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