Dear Editor:

Your neighbor Willy is driving us nuts. He's one of those megalomaniacal inmates who runs around trying to convince all the other inmates he's got some kind of psych degree, foisting advice on anyone who doesn't cover their ears and run. We even caught him in a lab coat, trying to 'counsel' an underage female patient.

Don't get us wrong. We can deal with your average, everyday, run-of-the-mill sociopathic liar. But Welcome Wagon Willy has been running around for the past six hours bleating about how he's some sort of secret shopper for JCAHO, the agency governing all hospitals, including county nuthatches. He keeps threatening to rat the whole nuthatch out to JCAHO if we don't all clean our plates and shit like that. And he totally wrecks Group with that hugging obsession he's got.

Free Willy! None of us in here can stand him.

All the other inmates
County nuthatch

Dear Editor:

Ttttthhhhhhhppppppt. Eeeeee-aaaaaaw blee-blee-blee-blee aaaagh OOF-OOF-OOF eek-eek-eek
ook-ook-ook-ook-ook HAHAHAHAHAHAHA hup-hup YOW-how-how-how ssssssssssssssssssssssssss doo-dee-doop-dee-doop. MEEP-MEEP! MEEP-MEEP! aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaah ...

Carl Bailey in space #1
Tits-up in the weeds after ingesting meth that Eddie and Arliss cooked

Dear Editor:

Do dead people have a heartbeat? And if they do, is it like a jackhammer? Me and Eddie cooked up a shitpile of meth and my stepdad tried it out and it looks like he's dead. He's flat in the weeds down by the duckpond, just staring up at the sky with eyes that look like they came from a taxidermist. I laid my head on Carl's chest to check for a heartbeat. He had one, but it was like a jackhammer trying to rip its way out of his torso. Eddie seen Carl earlier and said he was fine. Eddie said Carl was laying in the weeds, speaking in tongues and making Roadrunner noises.

Arliss Feral
Freaking out in space #62

Dear Editor:

I really and truly did not plan on causing all that mudwrestling and catfighting that went on at the duckpond on Christmas Eve. I was just trying to score with Pearline and Earline when I said they tied to win some nonexistent wet T-shirt contest at the duckpond. To tell the truth, I just pulled that idea out of my ass right then. The mudwrestling catfight was just a added bonus.

Fatty Daddy
Space #88

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