Dear Editor:

If a scrawny little brunette hermaphrodite who looks a whole lot like Johnny Depp as Willy Wonka shows up asking about me, you ain't seen hide nor hair of me. Thank you very much.

Elvis
Space #54

Dear Editor:

Next time a bunch of skinny little tweekers offers to do some repair work on my trailer, fuck it all. I'm calling the cops.

Buddy
Space #15

Dear Editor:

They just got a can-recycling machine at the Boozapalooza market up the highway, and I am hooked. It's like playing the slots in Vegas.

When I finish a can of King Cobra, I just put the can in the machine, and a recycle voucher comes out. These recycle vouchers are good for buying more beer. I'm glad I drink the big cans. The 8-ouncers only pay four cents, but anything bigger pays twice that much.

I have to put 40 little cans in the recycle machine to get enough vouchers to get the $1.60 necessary to buy another can, but if I drink the big ones, I only have to put in 20 cans.

Kevroy Gordon
Space #93

Dear Editor:

I had the most humiliating experience last time I picked up some stash at DJ the dope dealer's place. Another one of DJ's customers was there with her kid, must have been about five or six years old. The kid pointed at me and asked DJ if his pet monkey bites or not.

What do you do in a situation like that? Bite the kid?

Jingo the retired circus midget
Space #99

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