Dear Editor:

It totally sucks having to ride my bike to the store to fetch cigarettes and beer for my parents. Pop says it'll teach me a lesson about wrecking all the family's cars playing demolition derby.

Timmy Feral
Space #68

Dear Editor:

I'm not into outdoor theatre and live performances and all that shit, being that I'm a retired circus performer myself. But there's a play opening on the outdoor stage at the amusement park up the highway that I've just got to see. It's called "Midgets in the Park" and it's written and performed entirely by midgets, with a cast of hundreds. Who's coming with me?

Jingo the retired circus midget
Happy-dancing all over space #99

Dear Editor:

Willy's just joking around all the time, right? He's not a mental case, is he? I'm really starting to wonder if Willy might have a loose screw or two. First, he shows up to the bedroom wearing nothing but a firehat, goggles, yellow firejacket, and boots, expecting a blowjob while he's dressed like that.

I didn't know Willy was serious, and I started laughing. Hard. Covered my face in tears and snot, and it's impossible to blow anything in that condition. Willy got pissed and ran outside. The next thing I knew, he was on the roof of my trailer (still dressed like a cartoon fireman minus the firepants) threatening to jump. Then the cops showed up, and you all saw what happened next.

Why didn't anyone tell me Willy's a nutcase? He'd better not expect me to wait for him.

Belinda
Finally figuring it out in space #8

Dear Editor:

Somebody please give Belinda directions to the county psych ward so she can visit me, and tell her to bring my firesuit.

Welcome Wagon Willy
Locked up in the nuthatch again

Dear Editor:

Being a piss-drunk demolition derby and big-rig driver, you'd think I was crazier than a shithouse rat. But I fit in great right here in the trailer park.

Ramone Houston
Space #90

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