Dear Editor:

Hey, who's that good-looking guy that just moved into space #43? I ain't been with a man since I dumped that asshole Willy, and I'd like to tear me off a hunk of that new guy.

Dot the crazy cat lady
Space #8

Dear Editor:

I can't believe Willy has finally given up on me. I can walk outside with impunity and not see him sitting in his old beater truck in that ratty firesuit, drinking beers and staring at me. I mean, for months and months after I dumped that asshole, he sat there kittycorner across the driveway from me, staring at my trailer the whole time. I really creeped me out. I'm sure Willy just found someone else to focus his obsessive attention on, and I shudder to think of what he's doing to her right now.

Belinda
Space #50

Dear Editor:

I can't believe Willy the creep next door hasn't given up on me yet. At first, he would stand outside my trailer, staring into my living room window. What made him stop that was when I grabbed my garden hose and dragged it through my trailer and squirted him in the face with it. So he started staring at me from inside his trailer, since it's right next door to mine. I covered my windows on that side of the trailer with tinfoil to block his view. Now that asshole is standing outside the living room window on the other side of my trailer. I'm gonna go get the hose.

Midge
Space #36

Dear Editor:

I just met our new neighbor, the one who moved into space #43. Spent the whole afternoon with him. Man, that guy can party.

Elvis
Space #54

Dear Editor:

I was piss-drunk the other day, and I found a golf cart here in the trailer park with the keys still in the ignition. So I took the golf-cart for a piss-drunk joyride. During the joyride, I somehow managed to catch the bolt on the side of the golf cart onto someone's car, and it left a ugly scratch down the side. I seen the scratch in the rearview mirror on the cart as I was driving away. I'm still sobering up down here in the weeds by the duckpond with that stolen golf cart still parked next to me. So if anyone starts complaining about a missing golf cart, just send 'em down to the duckpond.

Carl Bailey in space #1
Still sobering up in the weeds

Dear Editor:

If anyone sees Carl, tell him supper's ready.

Ma Feral-Bailey
Space #1

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