Police responding to a report of the garbage truck showing up on the wrong day instead found some beat-up little dude driving a streetsweeper at a high rate of speed on the highway on their way to Tinbox Acres. Upon speaking with the streetsweeper dude, the cops noted that his pupils was blown and he was all sweaty despite the high winds from driving that streetsweeper so fast. Furthermore, he was all jittery and he was talking 90 miles a minute. It was later determined through urinalysis that the streetsweeper dude was whacked out of his head on meth. He denied it, of course. We all do.

Carl Bailey's been found! Ma Feral reported him as a missing person last month. A week later, Carl showed up all passed out and skinny and incoherent on the front porch. No one, not even Carl, gots any idea where the fuck he went or how he got home to his porch. Police have removed Carl from their missing persons database.

Speedy over in Buzzards Trailertopia got hauled in on suspicion of manufacturing a controlled substance last month when he blowed up his trailer cooking meth in it. While this might be news for Buzzards newsletter, The Carcass, it just seemed appropriate to report it in The Monthly Rag's Police Blotter since we all buy our shit from Speedy when DJ in space #41 is locked up.

Eddie and Arliss in space #62 got hauled in for soliciting a dope deal. Them two idiots showed up to Speedy's place while the firemen was still trying to put it out, and Arliss ended up asking a cop where Speedy was 'cause he and Eddie was jonesing.

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