Police responding to a report of a couple of Loch Ness monsters mating in the duckpond instead found Dick from space #45 splashing around naked with some chick he picked up at the dive bar up the road. Dick got hauled away for indecent exposure and committing a whole shitload of lewd acts in public. Jane (the dive-bar chick) was arrested for the same stuff Dick was. In addition, she was on Quaaludes or something that she didn't have a prescription for (which is how she ended up naked in the duckpond in the first place) and she had a bunch of warrants for various drug offenses. Dick got released on OR the next day, but Jane got booked in and held. Far as we all know, she ain't been let out yet.

Police were dispatched reference a 911 call from Carl Bailey the psych facility escapee in space #1, reporting an unlicensed flashing electric parade in progress. Upon arrival, the only two remaining cruisers in town encountered the rest of their own down at our duckpond, who had all been dispatched to investigate the Loch Ness monster report called in by Virginia Beadle. Old Carl thought all them twinkly lights headed down our driveway was a electric parade. So in a way, that nutcase went and called the cops on the cops.

BT in space #21 got busted last month cooking meth at the outdoor onshore meth lab. Rumor has it that the cops have been watching our outdoor lab for a while now, just laying in wait for some hapless meth cook to saunter on down and use it. The onshore lab is RED HOT right now with all them cops watching it. Consider yourself forewarned.

Three of the four dive-bar sluts Willy, Dick and Holmes brung home got hauled out of Tinbox Acres on active warrants. Arleen and Lurleen was cited and released on a agreement to appear in court. Jane got booked in and kept because she was under the influence of a controlled substance and was naked in the duckpond with Dick from space #45 when the cops showed up.

Virginia Beadle in space #17 got hauled out in a ambulance when she couldn't quit puking after seeing Dick and Jane in the duckpond. Miz Beadle spent the night dry-heaving over a C-shaped plastic bowl in the emergency room and came home all haggard-looking in the morning.

HOME