An incident report was filed after the Fourth of July holiday by the jumping castle rental company for wanton destruction of property. Allegedly, we returned that jumping castle to them all full of elephant puke. Since there was no elephant anywhere near Tinbox Acres during the time in question, no arrests were made and the case was closed as "unfounded."

Welcome Wagon Willy got a restraining order slapped on him by Elvis' ex-wife. Willy can't get within 500 feet of Priscilla, or he gets to ride away in the backseat cage of a cruiser again.

Arliss and Eddie got hauled in for being under the influence of a controlled substance last month. Eddie ran into the bathroom at the Quick-E-Mart and locked the door, claiming his shadow was gonna kill him. After trying to coax Eddie out for two hours, Rogelio finally gave up and called the cops to extricate Eddie from the bathroom because Rogelio had to take a crap. It took the cops all of five seconds to get the bathroom door open, thanks to their department-issued battering ram. Eddie was subsequently arrested for obstructing a public restroom. Arliss was arrested for obstructing the police when he hung onto the battering ram and screamed, "Don't kill him! Don't kill him!" Of course, both of those dipshits were charged with being under the influence.  

Police detectives and the coroner investigating Anil Roberts' death have officially ruled it a clear case of accidental flaming/exploding suicide.

Several residents rode away in a paddy wagon over the holiday weekend last month, including but not limited to, Welcome Wagon Willy, Maddog Monson, Andy the security guy, Ma Feral, Carl Bailey the psych facility escapee, Edgar the maintenance guy, Jingo the circus midget, Doralee in space #61 and Doralee's ma Dena in space #59, BT, and Darrell Feral.  Little Timmy Radkin and the Dorque twins, Ronnie and Lonnie, all got booked into juvie. The adults were released from the nuthatch after 72 hours observation, and all the juveniles were released within 24 hours.

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