If you end up leading the police on a high-speed pursuit, don't lead them here. The speed limit through the park is 5 MPH. The driveway is festooned with huge, pointy speedbumps, and it terminates in a duckpond. No one has EVER escaped the cops by turning in here. You live here. You should know that. It's hard enough to get in and out of here WITHOUT leading a parade of flashing lights and sirens past 100 trailers, over huge pointy speedbumps, then to the shore of a duckpond. Plus, it scares the shit out of the ducks.

After inspecting the spontaneously combusted gazebo and doghouse, arson investigators remind us that burning stuff to the ground is illegal.

Please, when you decorate your trailers for Christmas this year, remember to refrain from using multicolored blinking lights. Lights that just stay on are fine. But when there are Christmas lights blinking all over the trailer park, it makes it hard for us to tell when the cops roll in with their lights flashing. If we don't know the cops are here, we won't get to peep out our windows and see who all rides out in the cages in the back of the cruisers.

When firefighters and other emergency personnel show up and tell you to get the fuck out of the way, then GET THE FUCK OUT OF THE WAY. Tinbox Acres residents who generate any more "Obstruction of Emergency Operations" citations for management to pay will be evicted immediately. This means stay the hell out of the way of cops, firemen, HazMat trucks, and anyone else in an official-looking vehicle and/or uniform who shows up to investigate something one or more of us burnt down or blew up or whatever.

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