Please keep your clothing on at all times while outside, especially when it's freezing cold outside. Nobody wants to see anyone's fat, muddy body blubbering around in the duckpond.

If you pimp your kids out to fund your dope habit, please refrain from advertising these services on the trailerpark billboard. You can score yourself plenty of business by word-of-mouth and you don't need to take up valuable billboard space with advertising flyers.

There is a sign outside the monkey house at the zoo. It says, DO NOT TRY THIS AT HOME. Please read that sign and follow it to the letter.

He who smelt it, dealt it.

Whoever has been using photocopies of dollar bills in our primitive soda machine had better quit it.

If you need to fart and you want to light it up, please use the restroom. Thataway, if you set yourself on fire farting on a lighter or match, the shower is right there to put the flames out if you need it. If you can't make it to the bathroom, please at least point your ass away from the kids.

If you can't run with the big dogs, stay out of the kitchen. No, wait. If you can't take the heat, stay off the porch. Or on it. Something like that.

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