Please refrain from pulling the Christmas lights off of your trailer this month. In order to live in a trailer park, you must leave your Christmas lights up all year round. If you don't believe it, drive into any trailer park in the world and look for yourself.

If you witness a crime, just run into your trailer and lock the door and shut the fuck up. It's against trailerpark rules to call the cops on anyone for any reason. Plus, if you call the cops on a neighbor, that neighbor has the right to stick your garden hose through an open window in your trailer and turn it on when you ain't there. Unless you want to get hit by a trailer tsunami when you open the front door, you will keep the cops out of any dispute(s) you may have with your neighbor(s).

Dying in the park is against the entire Health and Safety section of the Tinbox Acres Rules and Regulations Handbook. If your life starts flashing before your eyes, get the fuck out of the trailer park.

Incinerating trash attracts emergency vehicles like firetrucks and cop cars into the trailer park. Therefore, it is no longer okay to throw your trash in the dumpster and set it afire. If you absolutely must incinerate your trash, take it to the dumpster out back of the Boozapalooza market instead.

It's still okay to lob cherry bombs and M-80s and whatnot into the dumpster, just don't do it when it's all full of garbage.

With the upcoming Martin Luther King holiday, let's all remember that Dr. King died for our sins. And if any of us here in the trailer park had a job, we'd have a Monday off from that job this month on Martin Luther King Day.

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