With St. Patrick's Day happening this month, please remember not to leave the trailer park shitfaced, especially if you're driving. A great way to DUI-proof yourself is to stick your car key in your mouth and wash it down with the last green beer. You'll be able to retrieve the key right about the time you sober up enough to drive.

Vandalizing trailer park property, like washing machines and soda vending machines, is strictly forbidden.

Please refrain from flushing anything bigger than a golf ball down your toilet. Objects any bigger than that tend to jam up the sump pump and stink up all our trailers.

Explosives are to be seen, not heard.

Flinging all the garbage out of the dumpster and filling it with water to dogpaddle around in violates the entire Health and Safety section of the Tinbox Acres Rules and Regulations handbook. So is skinnydipping in the duckpond early in the morning, or any other time. If you all must have a Trailerpark Polar Bears club, go out and buy an aboveground pool for that shit.

Stop scaring away potential tenants! A potential tenant is anyone who shows up and starts peering into empty trailers, especially ones with a FOR SALE sign in the window. If you see a stranger in the trailer park, it's okay to say hi, but that's it. It's NOT okay to ask who the fuck they are, if they have any spare change, or if they've accepted Jesus into their hearts and lives.

Buttercream cake frosting and marshmallow creme do not count as acceptable outerwear. If all you got covering your privates is dessert toppings, you need to stay in your trailer and out of the sight of potential tenants.

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