Fifteen will get you 20.

If it ain't broke, fix it 'til it is.

It's an unwritten trailerpark rule that you must leave your Christmas lights up all year round.

When decorating your trailer for Christmas, remember, the gaudier the better. But don't string twinkly lights around your trailer and bushes and whatnot, because we won't notice cop cars twinkling down the driveway when other colored lights are twinkling out there, too.

It ain't the size of the ship, it's the motion of the ocean.

Littering is against the rules! Please refrain from dropping candy wrappers, ittybitty zippered baggies, broken meth pipes, soiled diapers, fast-food refuse, and other shit like that in the driveway. Litterbugs will be doing time in the jail trailer from now on, so consider yourself forewarned.

Keep it quiet in the trailer park! And keep your guests quiet, too. Tell anyone giving you a ride if they pull up outside your trailer and honk, they risk being dragged from their vehicle and tarred and feathered by your neighbors.

Two simple rules to remember for the laundry room: 1) the washers are not toilets, and 2) the dryers are not rock tumblers.

If you must cook meth in your trailer, please refrain from dumping the leftovers down the drain. It eats up the plumbing all the way from your trailer to the sump pump.

Two wrongs won't make a right, but three lefts will.

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