The speed limit through the trailer park is 5 MPH for a reason. If you're one of them whippersnappers what's been hauling ass through the park at 20 MPH or better, we got a bead on you. We just had some huge pointy speed bumps laid down that'll rip the drive train right out from underneath of your car if you hit one at 6 MPH or over. So y'all just better slow the fuck down.

Bobby Roy keeps claiming that his Grandma got runned over by a reindeer just like in the Christmas song, but we all know them ain't reindeer tracks on Grandma's back. Them tracks look just like the ones left by Bobby Roy's Jeep.

Those who have resided in Tinbox Acres for less than a year is probably wondering what all that traffic and shit is going into and out of the laundry room. Plus, you're probably curious about what all the hammering and sawing is about. All that racket and traffic is longtime resident Fatty Daddy building a haunted house for our Halloween enjoyment to make sure we all have a unique haunted house experience unlike any other. We don't know what Fatty Daddy's got cooked up for us THIS year, but he was seen hauling the following items into the laundry room, which is where the haunted house will be constructed:

* A Shop-Vac
* 40 or 50 wigs in various lengths, colors, and curliness
* Several chainsaws
* Numerous mannequin parts
* Scary-looking garden tools like bucksaws, rakes, pitchforks, slingblades, hatchets, sledgehammers, augers, posthole diggers, pruning shears, shovels, hoes, hedgetrimmers and spades.
* A black tarp
* Several blankets
* An industrial sized roll of aluminum foil
* A Santa suit (no kidding)
* Hip boots
* Three or four yellow rainslickers
* Buckets and buckets of red paint
* A half dozen card tables
* A toolbox that must have weighed a ton and a half

Strangely enough, he didn't haul out any washers or dryers. What could Fatty Daddy have in mind? What is he building in our laundry room? Will anyone else piss themselves when they're caught off guard like Virginia Beadle was last year when she accidentally wandered into the Haunted House with a armload of laundry?

HOME