Watch out for the Trailertown truck headed to the duckpond! We're expecting a humongous barbecue grill to be showing up any second now for our Fourth of July Breakfast of Pyromaniacs. So plan on being out of bed by 11 am on Sunday the Fourth if you want to help barbecue or play with the flames or whatever. The grill will be going all day, so if you wait until the afternoon you'll have a lot of drunken pyromaniacs to compete with over the fire.

Don't be coasting through the trailerpark on autopilot, especially in the turnaround area down by the duckpond. Yeah, that's right. We rented a jumping castle for the whole weekend of the Fourth and it's going smack dab in the middle of the turnaround area. So if you need to drive anywhere that weekend, park your car facing the highway, or learn to back up all the way out the driveway, 'cause you can't turn your car around in the trailer park that weekend.

Keep your eyes peeled for driveway dragsters! The annual Fourth of July drag race is all set to happen around 3:00 in the afternoon, or whenever everyone's barbecued breakfast settles and we're all drunk enough to have a drag race up the driveway.

Don't park in front of space #1. A whole bunch of our guests already found out the hard way that Carl, the psych facility escapee who resides there is completely nuts when it comes to someone parking in front of his camper.  Carl ain't even got a car, but he don't want no one using his parking space anyways. The last half-dozen guests who parked in front of space #1  left with the words DO NOT WASH - DIRT TEST scrawled down both sides of the vehicle in glittery gold spray paint.

There's sure to be a lot of foot traffic down the driveway this month, so don't run nobody over. Rogelio from the Quick-E-Mart up the road set up a unlicensed fireworks stand down by the duckpond to sell all them real fun, unsafe-and-insane fireworks he brung back from Mexico with him last month. You can still get all them great fireworks (like chimney rockets) and dynamite at the Quick-E-Mart, but you don't have to stagger all the way to the store no more if that's all you're gonna buy.

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